


Stranger things have happened

by HufflepuffsAngel



Category: Supernatural, wingkink - Fandom
Genre: Angelic Grace, Angst, Big gay crisis, Biker Demons, Borrowed characters, Crack, Doctor Who References, Fluff, Gay Sex, Guilt, Hospitals, M/M, Multi, My own slow descent into madness, Nightmares, References to Teen Wolf (TV), Sexual Equality, So much guilt, The Princess Bride References, Wing Kink, hella gay, post season eight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-12
Updated: 2014-03-11
Packaged: 2017-12-26 09:47:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 33,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/964502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HufflepuffsAngel/pseuds/HufflepuffsAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the angels have fallen and Sam is well again, Dean begins hunting once more. It's a regular vampire attack and he visits a hospital to interview a suspected victim, when he sees a mop of dark brown hair through a window of a closed ward...<br/>Cas and Dean realise their feelings for one another in the harshness of a world of angel-monsters, biker-demons and a pitiful lack of self-worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And life kick starts again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was a vague hope for destiel in the new season nine which has since been ruthlessly dashed by the writers. I shall however, continue with this pipe dream in the hope that it may fuel the rapidly swelling support for destiel and lead to better things

It was a regular hunt, most probably a vampire attack. Dean was just at the hospital to ask the most recent victim; who had somehow gotten away with minor bruises, about the appearance of her attacker to try and narrow down the pool of suspects facing him and his brother. Apparently this chick had a lot of enemies who might wanna take a chomp out of her so this interrogation was crucial. He straightened the tie of his Fed suit as he walked.

Dean continued through the unremarkable hospital corridor past a closed ward; thinking idly about Sam. Since the trials he had been recovering slowly but was beginning to complain about being stuck in the bunker all the time while Dean did the leg work. Though, deep down Dean knew Sam was ready to hunt again, he wanted to protect him a little bit longer.

He had nearly died after all, killed himself to try and prove his worth to his big brother. Dean shook his head at the memory, feeling justified that he was smothering Sam a little.

That was when he glanced through the window to the ward on his way past it. A quick glance to mostly check if he had ketchup on his mouth from the burger he'd just eaten in his car. Instead, he saw a mop of unruly dark brown hair.

He could never  recall telling his legs to move; but his body was reacting on auto pilot, opening the ward doors and approaching the figure on the bed in long strides. He just couldn't believe it. Dean felt numb, his disbelief and joy replaced with confusion and anger and a weird painful crushing sensation in his chest that was telling him he was a sap and totally should cry right now, like a baby.

  
Because it was.

It was Cas.

A woman approached him in scrubs.

“Sir, this is a coma ward, do you have...”

He held up his FBI badge without really hearing what she had said.

His mind calculated that Cas was in bad shape before he could fully recover from the initial shock of seeing the angel alive. His hunter instincts kicked in as he assessed Cas' face: the left side of which was a myriad of purple and yellow, his lip was split and his nose broken. Tubes disappeared beneath the hospital sheets that swaddled him and he had a cannula on his wrist and another tube going down his throat.

Logic and reason compiled dazedly in Dean's mind. Cas was injured so he definitely wasn't up to full power anymore, but how?

Did it happen when he fell?

“What happened to him?” was, thankfully, the question he managed to ask aloud.

The woman in scrubs crossed to the end of the bed and took out a folder.

“John Doe, approximately thirty-five years of age, arrived here twenty seven days ago” She cleared her throat.

“He has severe damage to the torso; including deep bruising, cuts, four broken ribs, a collapsed lung and splintered collar bone and pelvis. His left arm is broken and right leg is also broken and...”

She glanced up at the him. “I mean the whole thing; ankle, shin and upper leg. The bruising pattern indicates multiple assailants and the victim sports defensive wounds, again leading to our theory that this was a group of attackers, perhaps gang violence, Sir?”

She looked up at him expectantly but very little of what the nurse detailed had actually made sense to Dean. It was as though her litany was having a soporific effect on him, he felt drowsy and her voice was far away, indistinct.

His head was full of rushing blood and words like; “splintered”, “broken” and “gang violence” seemed to be stabbing his chest and giving him stomach ache. All he could see was Cas and how he looked too small for the bed, when really he was only a little shorter than Dean, so it was a stupid thought but he just seemed... diminished somehow and...

Goddamnit they should have been looking for him!

But Dean had been focused on keeping Sammy all cosy at home, smothering his brother, like he always did, instead of Cas. 

'Cas, who always bled for the Winchesters', said a masochistic voice in his head. Dean took a shuddering breath.

One thing was for sure, Metatron was gonna get it good for this. Dean might even torture him. Deep fry his wings extra crispy.

The fuck was wrong with him? He thought suddenly, dispersing the influx of rage that beset him.

He'd seen people get beaten up before, people he cared about; Dad, Bobby and Sam.

But never Cas.

Cas was an angel and that meant nobody got the jump on him except maybe archangels, like Gabriel. But all the archangels were gone, or locked up.  
In fact... all the angels were gone, they had all fallen. Realisation that none of that world existed anymore, hit Dean like a wrecking ball.

No more angels, just humans. So Cas could get the shit kicked outta him as easily as anyone.

It was just the shock that was affecting him this way, nothing more.

Like surfacing from water, Dean slowly returned from his little inner monologue to find that the nurse was looking at him funny. Had she asked him a question?

“Is your...err, friend involved in any way with gangs or drugs, maybe?”

“What?” Dean had the insane urge to laugh, imagining Cas as a pimp.

“Him? Naw he’s a little angel”. He gave the nurse a smile before remembering that that was a pun she wouldn't understand and probably thought he was crazy. He sobered quickly, to try and conceal it.

“So, ugh is he gonna wake up soon?”

Her expression changed quickly too. “We can't be too sure; seventy-two hours is usually the marker for short term coma patients,”

Dean could almost feel his face numbing as though he was suddenly very cold, she hurried on.

“But with the long term patients there is a greater chance of resurface if family members are present to y’know talk to them and stimulate their senses. So now that you're here there is a greater chance he'll be back with us soon”. She smiled reassuringly and Dean visibly relaxed.

Okay he could deal with that. He'd talk to Cas and maybe Sam could come in too and ask him nicely to wake up and then he would, simple as that.

Dean would tell him never scare him like that again, they would find out what happened and then they'd go home. Cas could have his own room at the bunker and become a hunter just like he had wanted before the Naomi debacle and Dean could go out later and kill the motherfuckers that messed with his angel. He nodded as though that settled the matter, quashing the voice in the back of mind, which sounded a lot like Sam, that said that his genius plan might not work. Dean pushed it aside. Dumb little voice, always worrying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did this during hiatus before we all became veterans of season nein, you may find it is noticeably happier because KEVIN IS STILL ALIVE GODDAMNIT


	2. Life of Nightmare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is Cas's perspective and because I am a masochist I make him have a near heart attack every time he remembers Dean. Shhhhh I get nicer from here on in I swear. 
> 
>  
> 
> No honest Kevin is alive and everything

Castiel

Being in the coma was kind of like being an angel, Castiel reasoned, but he still didn’t like it. He was floating within his own existence, similar to being a wavelength of celestial intent. He could zone in and out of reality, sometimes he could feel his body but sometimes noises were really loud and others times he was not there at all. He was in purgatory, running from the leviathan or in heaven with Uriel, laughing at one of his jokes, back when everything was so simplistic.

Sometimes he thought he was flying again but then a nurse or someone would check his bandages or replace a tube and the pain would snap him back to the here and now. It was very disorientating.  


He remembered what he'd done occasionally.  
Working with Crowley; releasing the leviathans, killing his family, evoking Lucifer from Sam Winchester, trying to kill Dean Winchester, being on the run and causing the expulsion of angels from heaven.  
But usually this flood of recollection caused his blood pressure to rise and his chest to constrict and he would be suddenly snapped back to the present, where seemingly thousands of nurses were shouting and punching him in the chest, until he slipped back into unreality and non being. 

He told himself that if he didn’t think or remember anything, he would be safe in the quiet. But that was hard and Castiel’s subconscious had a wide variety of torments to plague him with. He could go for days in his dormant state but then Samandriel's innocent bloodied face would flash in his mind and set of the chain reaction.

It happened again; the shouting and incessant beeping. His consciousness rattled as waves battered at him and finally pulled him back under.

This time, somebody had stayed behind after the melee of noise and people had gone. They were breathing with difficulty and absently Castiel wondered if they were a patient too, with a breathing condition. 

He started to dissect the human lung in his mind, marvelling at its complexity; the left and right lungs aren't exactly the same. The left lung is divided into two lobes while the lung on your right side is divided into three. The left lung is also slightly smaller, allowing room for your heart. Humans could even survive with just one lung. Castiel smiled as he pondered his father’s excellent design, and then frowned, remembering he himself only had one lung right now, because something had happened to it that he couldn't quite recall. But he was distinctly upset about it because he only had two dammit and they were precious because...

Oh yeah he was human and he needed them.

The reality around him shifted again and he realised quite suddenly that the person with the chest condition was still there. They were trying to say something but kept choking on their words and for a while they were silent. Castiel thought maybe they had left. 

He wanted to leave too. It wasn't very nice in the coma and he had to find somebody. Somebody who was green. No wait that was not right. They were human and they had green eyes. 

Who were they? A memory flashed across his mind, pulling him under again and away from the hospital. 

He was in a bunker and Sam Winchester was sitting at a table, his complexion was sickly and he looked thinner than Cas had ever seen him.  
“Good morning” Cas had said to him and Dean. Dean did not look at him and Cas had felt sick knowing the hunter probably hated him. Cas had nearly killed him, only weeks ago. “I like this bunker, its orderly”, he new small talk was used to elicit conversation but only Sam deigned to answer him. 

Dean Winchester would not even look at him.  
Castiel wished he had hit him with the Impala.  
A quick death would have been better than to never seen the green eyes again.

The memory drifted away like fog and Castiel suddenly became aware of his heart monitor pick up again and mentally rolled his eyes. He hated this part. He tried to force himself to sink away again back to the sleep. 

“Damnit, not again...Nurse!”

Cas gasped mentally.

That voice. It was the person who had stayed. Bewildered, Castiel tried to get his own heart rate back to normal. He didn't want the circus to show up and ruin this. He wanted to know who the visitor was.  


There was talking as the nurses came running, but no one made the beeping noises or punched him in the chest, so he figured it had worked. But then it was quiet again, had the person left? For the first time Castiel wished he could talk aloud, to call them back. 

He didn't want another person to leave him. Everyone left him. He started to scream inside his own head in frustration, that voice, who was it? 

They had seemed so familiar, so many memories he could not pin point. He wanted to thrash around and yell until they came back.

“Don’t you scare me like that again” said the voice with a sigh.

Castiel clung to it. He knew who it was; he was really tall and had long hair. 

No wait. He screwed up his subconscious, trying to pull the memory out from where he had buried it behind a wall. He clawed at the wall. While part of him warned that he had probably built it for a reason, a larger more defiant part of him just wanted to know who it was.

“Cas? Listen I know you can hear me.”

Cas? Was he Cas? No he was Castiel, Angel of the Lord. Angels didn't have monikers. They just had the names their Father assigned them long ago, before the ages of mankind. Angels were superior to the humans, to nickname an Angel would diminish them to human standards of friendship, except... the voice in his head sounded like Uriel. Uriel was arrogance and false superiority and hatred. But he was none of those things. He was Cas.  


Somebody had called him Cas.  
Someone who had green eyes.  
He wore leather.  
He had a car and a baby.

“I just wanted to say, I’m here for you, y’know when you wake up”

No wait, that part was wrong...He had a car... called Baby. It was a 67 Chevrolet Impala and Castiel was allowed to ride shotgun sometimes, but only if Sam wasn't there, otherwise he sat in the back. The green eyed man smelled like motor oil sometimes and had freckles across his nose that Castiel found endearing. He liked alcohol and well endowed Asian women. He liked pie.

Castiel felt more information flood into his mind, memories of places and people. There was Samandriel and Balthazar again and Castiel felt his self hatred threaten to rise again and envelop him, but he quelled it angrily. 

He had had enough of moping in his own misery, now he had determination and a new purpose. He’d had purpose all his life. He’d had God’s will. But he'd been given new purpose before, recently even. He had betrayed his father and taken the side of the mortals all because of...  
Castiel gave a huge intake of breath and his eyes flew open. For a split second he was able to take in his surroundings. He was propped up on pillows, in a hospital bed and Dean Winchester was sitting close by him, with his hands half raised, having obviously just jumped in surprise.

“Cas!”

Castiel’s eyes rolled back and he was unconscious once more.


	3. Reverse Romeo and Juilet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who wakes up guys?

*And I said hey hey hey hey hey hey hey heeeeeeeeeeeey. I said HEY. What’s going on!*

“What the fuck kind of ringtone is that Sam?” Dean snapped at his brother’s retreating back as he hurried away to take the call. 

Facing back towards the bed, he rubbed his face with his hands, trying to push away his tension. He knew he shouldn’t yell at Sam. He was still so weak from the trials, although he had been able to leave the bunker to come and see Cas, so he was definitely improving. Dean raised his head from his hands to look at Cas. Apparently talking to him had done the trick and he wasn’t in a coma anymore but he still hadn’t woken properly since the first time and he was still in pain. 

“He should awake properly soon” a nurse had said, "the worst is over". She had given him the trademark reassuring smile but it had done nothing to quell the turmoil he felt. Half of him wanted to smother Cas in blankets and pander to his every whim, like he’d been doing with Sammy for the past weeks. The other manlier half wanted to go out and kill whoever hurt Cas in the first place. But neither part of him could act until he knew Cas was safe for sure. 

So he was waiting.

“That was Charlie” Sam’s voice made him jump, as the great Moose slammed back into the low built hospital chairs they were using at the foot of Cas' bed.  
“She just wanted another update because she can't come up next Tuesday anymore”  
Sam looked at him, as if waiting for Dean to comment on the news, then realised that Dean had not really been listening at all. Sam patted him on the knee in a brotherly gesture of comfort that did little to bring Dean out of his reverie of anxiety, before getting up again.  
“I’ll go see if the cafeteria has pie”

“Sure”

Dean’s stomach would have, on any other occasion, perked up at the thought of pie. But he was just too numb, caught in a suspended state of anticipation. He hadn't slept properly since before the third trial and Sam had bitched about it last night. 

Dean had yelled “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” which lead to Sam forcibly dragging to his room and demanding that he sleep because Dean was “the person who always took care of him, and he would always, always do the same for him no matter what and that they would get through this together”. Dean had slept, but only so he wouldn't upset Sam anymore, they were both too wearisome to have a major falling out. Dean looked up from his hunched position to find Cas staring at him curiously.

“Hello Dean”

Dean stared blankly at him for a full minute before laughing weakly.  


“Hey Cas”

He moved forward to the edge of the chair, closer to Cas.  
“So how are you?”  


“I am fine...but the hospital bed would suggest otherwise” Cas sounded surprised “How are you?”  
“Oh y’know me, I'm fine and dandy. Sam is gonna bring me pie and Charlie is gonna visit sometime next week” He grinned half heartedly and it felt weird on his face, as though he hadn't done it in a while.  
Cas smiled sleepily. “I haven’t met her yet”  
“Well, we can have a big welcome party, and you can get to know one another. But I erm... need to visit the bathroom, so I’ll be back in a second okay?”

Dean hurried from the ward so fast he didn't hear Cas’s reply.  


He shoved open the bathroom doors and clumsily fell into a cubicle, locking the door. His knees gave out and he slid down the back of the door, to crumple at the bottom.

His hands were shaking so badly.  
His heart was pounding and ringing in his ears.  
Maybe it was relief.  
Or all his sleepless nights coming back to bite him on the ass.  


After all the waiting, the constant anticipation, always expecting the worst news, preparing to be miserable for the rest of his life, Cas said “Hello Dean” like nothing had happened.

Used the same greeting he had used no matter what the circumstances of their friendship were. 

One of his perpetual idiosyncrasies.

Just like he never understand 50% of what Dean said to him and how he cocked his head to one side and squinted whenever he was perplexed by the intricacies of humaity. 

Constant. Reliable. And not going anywhere. 

“Breathe” he told himself. “Everything is fine. Cas is fine, Sam is fine, and you are fine. No bad guys are coming to get you, nobody you know is dying, although the hospital toilet floor is probably filthy so wash your jeans in a machine instead of a sink next time...” He ran his hands through his hair distractedly.

Eventually, Dean pushed up to his feet and mentally dismissed the fact that he had pansied out on a toilet floor because his best friend had woken up from a coma. That wasn't his style and he really had to think of something manly to say before he went back in there, to cover up his minor freak-out. 

Sam was there when he got back and a plastic box of hospital pie was waiting on Dean’s chair closest to the bed.  


“...and then Crowley just became more and more lucid and like, started crying, saying that he “just wanted to be loved” and that was when it really, really began to hurt.” Sam was saying. Referring to the demon curing he had attempted as the third trial.  


“I had no idea it would affect you Sam, believe me” Cas had his hand with the cannula attached to it, resting across his mouth in concern, his eyes were big and worrisome. Dean realised he probably shouldn't ask him about his attackers or his new human status until later, he didn't want to stress him out too much. 

He already looked anxious enough.  
“So what happened with you?” Sam asked and Dean sighed inwardly, clearly his brother did not possess the same empathic skills as he did when taking care of sick people.

Cas swallowed, his jaw tightening. As a human he was already expressing more body language than he had as an angel, and Dean could see from his scrunched expression that he really didn't want to relive the experience that had put him in a coma. But at the same time... Dean desperately wanted to know too.

“Naomi was right” Cas said slowly. “Metatron did want to throw us all out, so when I went to see him, he..."

Cas shuddered and the heart monitor picked up. Dean felt his heart break a little, watching Cas trying so hard not to show too much emotion in front of them and fighting to get his old determination back in his eyes. The same look he plastered on when he decided things. Like the time he had gone up against five angles with nothing but a pen knife and won.

“He killed Naomi and then cut out my grace. He needed it for the third trial”. He paused to look at them  
“I suppose you saw the fall?”  


“Yeah we did” Sam replied. “So your injuries, that’s what happens when you fall from heaven?”

Dean sucked in a breath at the fresh pained look in Cas' eyes. “Okay Sam enough with the Spanish Inquisition” He looked away from his brother before he could get bitchfaced and put his hand on Cas' arm. “Just concentrate on getting better Cas”.

“No it’s okay Dean” Cas said with a small smile. Dean supposed he would rather get it all over with now.

“I landed in Kansas, luckily, but I was fine. For a while. I just followed a path trying to get out of the forest I was in, but on the second day...”  
Cas paused so long Dean thought one of them was going to have to prompt him. Cas swallowed.

“The angels, they still have their powers, the disconnection from heaven just means their grace has nowhere to go and resides fully within their vessels”

“But I thought when you were cut off from heaven you were a powerless human” Sam interjected and Dean cringed at “powerless” because hey humanity wasn't all that bad

Cas nodded patiently. “This was different, Metatron didn't cut them off from heaven, he threw them out with all their grace and abilities” 

“But we saw their wings burning!” Sam sounded appalled, as though Cas was lying to him to spoil his perception that they were safe now.  
To be honest Dean had given up on expecting shit to turn out all right afterward. The Hunter in him knew now that there was always gonna be something that wanted to kill him.

“They have their true forms now, as they are no longer tethered to heaven they could remake and adapt their wings in seconds”. Cas replied, frowning.

“So there are fully powered angels, with wings, still roaming around?”

“Yes”

“Well they’re gonna come after you Cas! As soon as you’re better you have to get back to the bunker pronto” Sam said determinedly.  
Dean resisted the urge to slap himself in the face. Sam was supposed to be the clever one!

He wouldn’t be surprised if Cas slapped himself in the face too, or slapped Sam. But Cas seemed either far too patient or far too tired to get angry at all.

Cas's mouth twisted into a grim smile. “They already did Sam”

“Oh” Sam expression went quickly from determination to shock to sadness to embarrassment and he realised Dean was looking at him. “Shut up, my brain is still fuzzy from blood transfusing the King of Hell”

Dean and Cas laughed. Then Cas hissed in pain, making the Winchester brothers fuss over him until he waved them away. “Anyway, they knew it was me and my grace that caused the expulsion. So they found me and beat me up” Cas spoke as though he was reading aloud from a book. His face was almost expressionless as though he wasn’t angry at them for kicking the shit out of him. He had only shown anger at Metatron, for deceiving him.

Dean knew what he was going through. Cas was angry at himself for being deceived so easily after all the whispered lies from Naomi.  


He blamed himself  
He thought he deserved the punishment  
Just like last time  
Typical Cas.

It was so clearly etched on his face, his pain and guilt. Cas had been able to see his soul last time he had read Dean’s feelings. “You don’t think you deserve to be saved” he had said. At the time Dean had been furious at some dick angel reading his mind, seeing all his fucked up thoughts, his torture and his guilt. But that wasn’t true, it was just easy to see if you looked. Maybe it was just obvious to him perhaps because it was a stunt Cas had pulled before. But perhaps because Dean had been there too. Or he just knew him too well.

“It’s not your fault Cas”

Cas swallowed and looked away, “I don't see how it couldn’t be”

“Because you were manipulated Cas! You didn't know what Metatron’s big crazy plan was”

Cas' eyes flashed back up to his.

“That doesn’t matter Dean, I have kicked my entire family out of their home. To live amongst beings they see view as sub-human. Aside from the terrible slight I have caused my own kind, it is nothing to the atrocities they will commit against humanity now they are forced to live among them.”

There was a very loud silence as the last statement settled over them.

“You... You’re worried about the humans?” Sam asked

“I am worried about both”

 

Despite the huge gravity of the situation, Dean Winchester was resisting the urge to laugh exasperatedly at how typical this was. Another member of Team Free Will causing an apocalyptic situation and not only having the usual gut wrenching guilt for the humans but the bad guys as well. The bad guys who had already put him in hospital. Just because they were his family. Jesus, their situations got worse every year.

“Look Cas” Dean took a deep breath. “We get that they’re your family, man but...”

He stopped.  
He didn’t really want to finish the sentence with “but we have to kill them so get over it”. That was cold even for him.  
Cas’ family were all dickheads in his opinion. But a lot of hunters had thought Sam deserved a bullet to the brain when he had started the apocalypse and drank his psycho demon girlfriend’s blood. Dean had stuck by and defended him all the same. There was no way he would have sat by and let other people kill him even if he was a danger to humanity. 

The truth was that family was family, no matter what.

Cas wasn’t shouting at them. Even though he knew exactly what Dean had planned to say. He just sat and looked defeated. No wait; there must be a better word for the drowning pained look on his friend’s face, like he was wearing each stage of grief on his face at the same time. 

Dean had seen his own dead face, look exactly the same way after Sam had been killed by Jake in Azazel’s miniature hunger games.  
Castiel looked sorrowful.

“Surely we could... y’know ask them to settle in first.” Sam offered. “Propose an ultimatum; if they don’t hurt anybody and live like humans then we won’t...”

Sam couldn’t say it either. Not in front of him.

“That seems more diplomatic, Sam thank you” Cas said. His voice was even but Dean knew he understood. Pissed off angels would never agree to live like mud monkeys.

There was a pause, the conversation seeming to reach an impasse.

“You still got your angel blade?”

Cas nodded and waved at the hospital drawer containing his clothes. Dean crossed to it and found the trench coat right on top. He smiled at it fondly for a second, then stopped, remembering they were both watching him. Cas usually kept it up his sleeve and sure enough, he drew it out of the right sleeve. The silver blade was crusted in dried blood.

“Where did that come from?” Dean asked as he handed it hilt first to Cas, who took it into his own bandaged hands.  
“It can’t have been from the angels because they don’t bleed, they just...” He waved his hands to try and imitate light coming out of his body.

“No it’s mine” Cas replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas is a hurricane of sad  
> Dean has a man-faint
> 
> Also just to clarify the angels in this fic have all their grace and are super powerful but have less control over their grace as they have lost their tether to heaven. They also have their wings and some traits of their true form, which are animals in this case.
> 
> Hope that makes sense! There will be more on this later x


	4. Achilles Last Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas's story

 

 

Cas took his old weapon back from his friend and balanced it on the tips of his fingers. Five thousand years he had owned this particular blade and he had never so much as scratched it. Now congealed blood clung to it like tar. He tried to clean some of it off with the bandage wrapped around his hand but only crusted blood came away.

Disappointed, he looked up to find both Winchesters staring at him.

“So they used your own blade against you?” Dean asked. He looked angry. As though the particular _method_ used by the angels affronted him. Cas couldn’t see why it should. Perhaps it was a human rule based on humanity's qualms. Like; you shouldn’t eat out of bins even if there was uneaten food in there, or you shouldn’t watch porn in a room full of dudes and then talk about it; even if it was confusing.

“No” Cas replied. The angels had not used weapons, just their hands and feet and various tree trunks to throw him against.

Dean Winchester gave him a hard look. It was somewhere between the serious face and the annoyed face, with hints of something else, making it more difficult to discern the meaning of.

Dean’s expressions reminded him of paint charts. He was very rarely a primary or even a secondary colour but vast arrays of emotions mixing together and overlapping. Castiel often attempted to categorise the nuances in Dean's expressions, in order to understand what he could possibly be thinking. Most of the time he still didn’t have a clue what the hunter was thinking and it frustrated him.  
As a being so accustomed to the complete comprehension of almost everything, Dean Winchester remained a mystery.

“Okay, so why is your blood in the knife?” Dean asked slowly in a slightly strained voice.

 _Oh_. He had not yet explained.

“The angels could not decide how to kill me.” Cas said. He had wanted to get it all over with at once but he had been asked questions and had lost his train of thought. He sighed inwardly, his new humanity was so very perplexing.

“Centuries of complete guidance means they have a complete and utter lack of decisiveness” Cas added as an afterthought. He had always wanted the Winchesters to understand his kind, why they did the things they did. Why they yearned for the liberty of the apocalypse. But they had just convinced him to fight for freedom and free will. Their side. Not that he regretted his decision. But a little empathy for his brothers and sisters may stop the Winchesters from killing them long enough for them to offer a proverbial olive branch.

“They debated about how to kill me. The more traditional, wanted me executed in the method of heaven and slash my neck. Yet the angrier angels just wanted to keep torturing me until I died. And possibly after that." Cas couldn't help but shudder at the memory.

"They began to brawl and left me on the ground, near my blade.” Cas smiled despite himself.

He had been ready to die. He supposed. Ready to allow his brothers and sisters to rip him to shreds for his foolishness. So that they could have their revenge on the one who had banished them into exile. So he could be sent to hell or purgatory or wherever dead angels went and serve his sentence eternally among demon and leviathan, knowing they were his true kin, the creatures of darkest evil.

But perhaps in the end it was his inherent survival instincts that forbade him to give up his life.  
Or the promise he had made to redeem himself that he had never accomplished.  
Or the bag of shopping he had forgotten to take from the cafe back to bunker.  
Or maybe it was the sight of his blade a few metres away, tempting him to live.

He had heaved his broken body across the forest floor. Each movement sharp and jarring making his various injuries jostle for attention. But he was determined. Castiel was rarely took pride in any aspect of himself anymore. But he knew that determination could drive him on against all odds.

  
He had grasped for the handle of the blade in his left hand and rolled onto his back. His shirt had already been ripped to tatters and so he quickly made incisions into his chest. The pain had been excruciating, his chest flaring with every breath he took. It would have been better to cut the sigil into his stomach, due to the extensive damage already done to his chest, his heaving lungs could attest to. But the angle his arm was broken at meant he could not bend his elbow high enough to reach and his right arm was tangled in his shirt cuff behind his back. He could not even raise his head to see his handiwork but the actions felt right. Lying on the ground he could see the stars through the branches of the trees as his blood seeped into the earth below him.

He knew he would have to hurry as the angels would be back anytime and bruised skin always bleeds quicker, so there was a possibility he would bleed out before they returned. He had almost laughed at that. How pitiful he would look if he died trying to escape.  
The first footsteps began to approach. He had sent a small prayer up to the empty chasm of heaven that they had not flown to return, they were taking their time to draw out his pain. Castiel waited thirty more precious seconds before slamming his hand into the angel banishing sigil.

“Angel banishing sigil” Sam Winchester said quietly, drawing Castiel from his memories.

Dean looked round at his brother, before back at Castiel for confirmation.

Cas nodded.

Sam pulled a face that could only be defined as smug at his brother.

“Yeah, okay you're still the smart one” said Dean sitting back down.

“Then what happened”.

“Well I managed to stand up, eventually” Cas said.  
He felt his body involuntarily wince at the memory of him hoisting himself onto his feet using a tree for support.

“Then I got my coat and my blade and resumed my walking”.

Both pairs of Winchester eyebrows shot up.

“You. You just...”

  
Sam Winchester was looking at him. Sam looks were easier than Dean looks. This one was somewhere between curiosity and disbelief. But a small smile was also playing on his lips and Castiel didn’t have a clue what that entailed.

“...Kept walking” Dean finished for him. This time Castiel had seen him do a face like this before, when he had told Dean he wanted to become a hunter. But this time was different also. Dean was smiling more and his eyes were warmer.

“Yes.” Cas prompted them, waiting to be told the joke he seemed to be missing out on. “I had to find a road” He paused, they were still looking at him curiously, like he was a phenomena. He didn’t like it, it made him feel different. Cas tried a different approach “My phone was dead”.

Dean and Sam Winchester started laughing.  
They continued laughing for some time until Cas cleared his throat.

“Why are you both laughing at me?”

“Because Castiel, you just got yourself up after a fight with all of heavens remaining angels, with a broken ribs, a busted lung and a broken arm and leg and just dusted yourself off and kept on fucking walking like it was no big deal” Sam said in a tone that was somehow jovial and accusatory at the same time, before spluttering with laughter once more.

“Wait Sam you forgot his busted up collarbone and pelvis too” grinned Dean and Sam laughed again.

Castiel felt his face grow hot and found that he was frustrated with them. If being human was going to be like this; incomprehensible and embarrassing, then he didn't like it.

Dean looked up from where he head rested his head in his hands to try and stifle his laughter, and his smile slipped instantly.

“Cas, we aren't laughing at you”

Well who were they laughing at? It was obviously him. Did they find his predicament funny? Was the fact that he was unable to heal his multiple injuries humorous to them?  
He felt a strange desire to flee from the room and curl up in a corner somewhere. He felt mocked and ridiculed.

“No Cas, we didn’t mean it like that, not at all” Dean was talking. His face was for once, easy to read. It was open and honest. His eyes were big; Cas believed Dean called them puppy-eyes. Dean wanted Cas to trust him.

“Then what did you mean?” His voice sounded pathetic, even to his own ears. It was all broken; off-key, higher and smaller than usual. He didn’t think he had ever spoken like that before.

Dean cleared his throat. “We were just...erm admiring your determination Cas. The fact that you took a beating and then kept on walking, we would find that funny because me and Sammy are pathetic... y’know if we took a beating like you got, we would just cry on the floor for hours” Dean smiled reassuringly at him before glancing at his brother who nodded enthusiastically.

“Oh yeah hours. “ Sam agreed “Dean would probably have pissed his pants too”

Cas saw Dean’s jaw twitch at that. But he looked steadily at him as though trying to make sure Cas understood him. Cas thought over what they had said, they had laughed because he was so determined to keep going no matter what, though he didn’t find that particularly funny, it wasn't a bad thing either.

“Okay” he said, pacified.

“Good” Dean replied.

They smiled at each other.

“Yeah thing is Cas is that you’re inconceivable, totally inconceivable” Sam said grinning.

Dean choked as though trying not to laugh.

“He’s not teasing you Cas, he’s just referencing” Dean said quickly before looking at his brother fondly.

“Deeeeann you have to finish it” Sam whined.

“You keep using that word; I do not think you know what it means” Dean spoke in a Spanish accent making Sam grin broadly.

Dean turned back to Castiel, also smiling.

“I think Sam has been waiting his entire life to use that movie reference in an actual conversation, I apologise for him, he was dropped on his head a lot as a baby”

“Yeah by you” Sam retorted hitting Dean in the arm. Making Dean punch him in the shoulder.  
Cas smiled at them fondly.

“What is it from?” He asked.

They stopped their play fighting immediately.

“It’s from the Princess Bride!” Sam said chirruped excitedly.

Castiel frowned at the title.

“That does not sound like the kind of film you would usually watch”

Dean laughed. “Naw, it’s not like that! It’s got pirates in it. See it’s all about this guy Inigo Montoya and his dad was killed by a six fingered man and like all the way throughout the film he keeps saying “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die” But to the wrong people, then at the end...”

“Woah, stop” said Cas, putting his bandaged hands over his ears.

“Why?”

“Don’t tell me the ending; I want to see it myself”

Dean did the smile that made his eyes crinkle and his face look younger.

“You bet, as soon as we get you home we are gonna watch it”.

“With popcorn?” Sam interrupted quickly.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Sam movie night, isn’t movie night without popcorn”.  
“And ice-cream?”  
“What are you, a six year old?”  
“Maybe.”  
“You’re freaking tall for a six year old”

Cas was smiling at them. He hadn’t stopped smiling since Dean had referred to the bunker as “home”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cries* I'm sorry for this part but I made it all happy at the end


	5. The Winchester Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THINGS GET HOTTER  
> Cas becomes attuned to bunker life. And not just the good aspects.  
> *This chapters is pretty domestic, don't worry there will be more trauma soon*  
> *BUT ALSO SEXY WRESTLING SO READ IT ANYWAY*

                                                                                                        

Castiel

Castiel Winchester was much the same as Castiel the Angel of the Lord.  
Except now he had a driver's licence with his name on and more importantly his surname.

It didn't even matter that he couldn't drive yet. Dean had illegally gotten him the license so he could have ID if he ever needed it as a hunter. It was a practical gift, to buy drinks with and pretend to be a normal human.  
But it meant more to him than Dean would ever know because it was their name. Their family. And he was allowed in.

Castiel Winchester discovered that he hated microwaves. The noise they made was unearthly and the food that it produced was either cold and gummy or hotter than the surface of the Sun.

Castiel Winchester wore Dean and Sam's clothes until he got some of his own. He liked Sam's sweatshirts the best because they were baggier and he could put his knees inside them when he sat down. The sleeves trailed over his owns hands so he could hold the cuffs in his hands when he was uncertain or confused.

Castiel Winchester liked tea but not coffee. He hated mornings but he loved night-time.

The one thing he disliked about night was the visions in his head; the screaming and sobbing members of his family. Memories and apparitions rolled into a mixture of blaring white noise. Sometimes he thought he was in the coma again, unable to escape the pain except through death, but he wasn't dying this time, the visions just kept getting louder and fiercer. He woke up screaming in his new room.

  
To calm down, he took to patrolling the bunker at night. He had spent many nights as a sentinel in heaven and this was no different. He still protected his family even though Sam and Dean didn't know.

Tonight, however was particularly bad. It was Samandriel again.  
Castiel could see his own hands, through his own eyes but it wasn't him, it was Naomi and the torture. "That's what you tell yourself" Samandriel said with Zachariah's voice, "But really you're just a monster who can't admit he's a monster".

Samandriel sneered and turned into Raphael."God made you wrong Castiel" his booming voice echoed, "You were always broken". Naomi appeared carrying a hive of bees: "You can't even die right!" she yelled and the bees buzzed louder. Castiel's disembodied hands stretched out and wrung Dean's neck in a practiced movement but he had Balthazar's look of horror on his face. The buzzing grew to a crescendo of noise and there was another Dean he had to kill, he gave chase after him, to say he was sorry, so sorry. But then he was back on the rack and Naomi was fiddling in his head."You won't be needing this anymore" She giggled, pulling a still beating heart from his split skull: "You cannot let your heart rule your head". Dean's eyes widened and he screamed as Castiel killed him.

The rush of air to his lungs shocked him so much, that he stopped screaming. Still taking enormous breaths, Castiel sat up and huddled with his back to the cool wall and his knees up to his chest to listen. He hoped fruitlessly that no one had heard. He rubbed his face with a shaking hand and ran a hand through his hair, subconsciously checking for damage. His heart was still racing and skipping beats. When he closed his eyes to block out the tears he was almost crying, Dean's screaming face flashed behind his closed eyelids. He had almost composed himself when the door opened tentatively and Dean came in. He moved straight to sit next to Cas and mimicked his position against the wall.

They sat for a time, with their arms almost touching. Castiel dried any remaining dampness from his face in shame.

"So third time this week" Dean stated calmly.

"What?"

Dean looked at him with one eyebrow raised.

"I'm not deaf, Cas"

"Sorry" He mumbled miserably.

Dean huffed but smiled at him.

"It's not your fault man, I'm the same. Only I think the combination of us both screaming is gonna drive Sammy nuts"

They were silent for a while. Despite his still shaking hands, Cas was very glad his nightly terrors were accepted by Dean and that he wasn't considered a freak after all.

"How do you stop it?" Cas asked. He looked up at Dean from under his lashes, hoping he had the key to help.

Dean smiled sadly. "There's not much you can do really. You can try staying up later so you're more tired when you go to bed, so your mind has less of a chance to wander but..." His sentence tailed away and Cas felt hopelessly lost once more.

"Oh" Cas sighed and cast his eyes down, wondering is he would ever sleep soundly again.

"Or you share a bed with someone" Dean added quickly. Cas looked back up at Dean, a faint blush tinged his cheek but he kept his eyes averted.

"Huh. Is that why you sleep with so many women?" Cas asked inquisitively and Dean snorted with laughter.

"Not exactly! Man, we have got to get you laid this year" Dean grinned.

They sat a while longer. A strange peace in the quiet of each other's presence. Before Cas got up.

"Are you going to patrol the corridors again, cos that used to be my job but you stole it". Dean said as Cas paused at the door. Cas was able to ascertain that Dean was teasing him and did not genuinely think him a thief. However he thought it interesting that their coping methods were the same, Cas pondered that they may have similar nightmares as well.

"I am going to the work out room to make myself tired" He said determinedly. It was too much to ask Dean to stay the night with him. The hunter had a qualm about 'personal space' that was sure to be violated by sharing a narrow bed.

"But it's two in the morning!" Dean almost whined.

"You can go back to bed, I'm sorry I woke you". Cas said as held the door open for Dean. Dean rolled his eyes at that, muttering something about * _wake the whole damn state_ *, but followed Cas out of the room.

The workout room was next to the shooting range, it contained weights, an ancient rowing machine and a punch bag. The floor was springy and soft to land on and so perfect for sparring. When they arrived, Cas made sure Dean warmed up properly, knowing the blasé hunter wouldn't normally bother. Afterward Cas headed for the rowing machine, knowing the therapeutic thrum of it's motor would soon make him drowsy.

"Spar with you?" Dean offered instead and Cas smiled in surprise. Dean rarely sparred at all and never with Cas. He used the excuse that he didn't want to hurt him but Cas felt sure it was because of the crypt, where Cas had nearly beaten Dean to death.

"C'mon man, I'm not scared of you" Dean said lightly, as though reading his mind. Cas sighed.

"It might... remind me of what Naomi made me do to you" Cas said. Dean looked at him sadly for a while before grinning.

"Except it won't be the same because I'll be the one beating your ass to the ground" Dean pulled the challenge face, the one he pulled a three days ago when he dared Cas to eat a whole chilli and he had puked in the toilet as a result. Dean knew him too well. Cas loved a challenge.

Much more awake now, he strolled toward Dean, seizing him up.

"Have it your way" Cas said before pivoting round on his left foot and whipping the heel of his right foot into Dean's stomach.

Cas may not have sparred with Dean before, but he had with Sam. Together they had discovered that Cas was not only very fast but extremely flexible. The kick Cas had just used, usually floored Sam, who was taller and had more space between his ribs. Dean on the other hand was shorter and packing more abdominal muscle. To Castiel's horror, the kick bounced off his opponents abs.

"That was cute Cas," Dean grinned before bending and swiping his leg behind Cas' knees, knocking his legs out from under him. Cas hit the floor and gasped as his breath was knocked out of him and dazedly realised Dean was sitting on his hips.

"Okay so how do you get out of this particular situation?" Dean asked casually, straddling Cas. Cas felt a strange sensation low in his stomach but opted to ignore it. But was it just him or was getting hotter in here?

Wildly, he attempted to punch Dean but Dean just caught his fist and leant forward to pin it next to his head. Then caught Cas' other fist and did the same. Cas struggled and writhed underneath Dean's body trying to find a weak spot, Dean gasped lightly at the sensation.

"What?"

Dean swallowed. "Nothing, your hips are just really sharp"

"Oh"

Cas stopped wriggling. How would he get out from under an attacker this way? There had to be a technique, Cas mused, but Dean's weight was pressing down across his hips, he was heavy but for some reason Cas didn't mind him being there, sitting on top of him. "Focus" he chastised himself. Why was this affecting him so much? Dean was an attacker in this situation and Cas had to fight him. He really wanted to go into his thinking position. Curl up with his knees to his chest under one of Sam's sweatshirts.

His _knees_.

Cas brought both his knees up sharply into Dean's back making him lurch forward and at the same time Cas leaned up and head-butted Dean making him loosen his grip. Cas quickly rolled out from under Dean as Dean pitched sideways holding his nose.

Triumphant, he got to his feet.

"Dude I think you broke my nose" Dean squawked, pinching his nose and staggering up.

Cas hurried forward, all camaraderie gone.

"I don't see any..." Dean tripped him face flat this time, sitting on the small of his back.

"Really Cas? oldest trick in the..." But Cas had learnt this hold with Sam.

*"If you ever find yourself in this position Cas" Sam had said "And you _really really_ don't want to find yourself in this position okay, you bring your left knee up to the left, like superman and... who? I'll tell you later... and stretch your left arm out in front of you. This is your leverage, you push both your left hand and left knee down and roll left..."*

Cas rolled Dean with him, as he was caught of guard, and sat across Dean's hips this time. He crossed his ankles behind him, preventing Dean from using his knees, as he had and leant up to pin Dean's wrists above his head.

"Ha!" Cas said.

It was then he noticed Dean was looking at him funny, breathing heavily. He clearly hadn't expected the positions to be reversed. Then Cas noticed their faces were _very very_ close together. Almost touching. In fact this was probably the closest he had ever been to the hunter and he could count every freckle adorning his tan features. Cas then became aware that his entire body was stretched the length of Dean's; their chests and arms, torsos and legs touching. Cas was straddling him and Dean seemed to be radiating waves of heat. Idly, Cas wondered whether this was the reason for the 'personal space' policy, Dean became too warm if you got too close to him.

Dean was just about to do something. He had that look in his eye, Cas was sure of it.

He didn't know what it was but he knew he wanted...whatever it was.  
There was something about the way Dean was looking at him that made Cas want to be even closer to him. Like they were verging on some great precipice.

Dean's hot green gaze and the intensity of their position caused that peculiar warm sensation again, low in his abdomen.  
Dean raised his head off the floor slightly and Cas lowered his, still completely willing yet equally unsure of what was going on.  
They were almost there when Sam burst in, then immediately recoiled.

"GUYS EW, NOT IN THE GYM I COME HERE TOO!" He yelled, shielding his eyes as if from a solar eclipse.

Cas felt he should probably stop straddling his brother and stood up.

"Relax Sammy, we were sparring" Dean said getting to his feet, his voice deeper and rougher than usual. He glanced quickly at Cas, then away again as if sharing in a secret. All Cas Winchester knew was that if Sam hadn't come in, he and Dean would not have just sparred in the gym.


	6. It takes two...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A simple hunt turns into an escape from biker demons...  
> Yes I know.  
> I am mad

Castiel Winchester didn't have the faintest clue what was going on.

Ever since the sparring in the gym Dean had avoided him as much as possible.  
But the event had had rather the opposite effect on Cas.

He attempted to follow Dean around the bunker most days, he wanted spar with him again. He felt as though he had experienced something new and exciting but didn't know how to experience it again. He sparred more with Sam instead, trying in vain to recreate the sensations he'd had when he had been so close to Dean.

But it wasn't the same.

He wished Dean would talk to him so he could figure out what was going on. On the plus side all the extra fight training meant that Sam deemed him fit to go on the latest hunt they had found in Missouri.

Dean didn't seem thrilled with Cas coming along. He looked more tired than usual, there were deep hollows under his eyes and his face was pinched. Cas had long ago labelled this as Dean's worried-about-Sam-face but as far as he could tell the youngest Winchester was the happiest out of all of them. Talking animatedly in the Impala and insisting they stop at a half decent place to eat. But Cas was not nearly so happy.  
He came to realise that he must have done something in the gym to upset Dean greatly and felt an odd wallowing sensation at the thought. Though he had no idea what he had done to cause such a negative reaction.

He needed Dean to tell him.

 

But Dean couldn't even look at him.

Sam turned to see two miserable men trailing after him in Fed suits. Cas had rented one with a too big blazer so that he could hold the sleeves in his fists. Dean on the other hand seemed to be trying hard not to fall asleep standing up. His eyes kept almost rolling back into his head and he staggered as he walked. What the hell was he going to do with them?

"Alright listen up guys" Sam said sharply. Cas stopped in front of him and Dean staggered up to them, maintaining a few metres distance from Cas at all times. Sam sighed mentally.

A week ago he'd heard Cas screaming and then he'd found them, lying on top of each other in the gym. But now Cas was moping and Dean was acting like a spurned Prom Queen.  
"I'm gonna do the police interview thing, you guys go check out the haunted house" He then quickly held up both hands to withstand the chatter of their arguments.  
"Dean" Sam said raising his voice "Can't come in with me because he's nearly asleep, this will make a bad impression on the cops and if he does something more active he will wake up" Sam said, looking at Cas.

He turned to Dean "Cas can't come in anyway, three feds always looks too suspicious and his blazer is way too big for him". Dean scowled and Cas frowned down at his blazer, the sleeves of which were almost double the lengths of his arms.

"Besides this is Cas's first hunt ever" He said the words slowly, hoping the gravity of the situation might clear their heads a little. "So you need to have each other's backs". Forcing Dean to do something never ended well, but Sam's words seemed to have punctuated his sleepy haze. He straightened his back and looked hard at Cas.

"You have to not mess up, okay?" Dean said looking hard at Cas. Sam saw hurt in Cas's eyes.

"Okay" Cas said, his voice was small. Sam shot Dean the most condescending bitchface he possessed in his arsenal of attitude.

Great so not exactly what he'd been hoping for but at least they were talking.  
................................................

Dean

Dean found the location of the supposedly haunted house and scoffed. It was a big-ass disused multi-storey car park. Not a house. Each floor had it's own ramp leading to the road and it had probably been used daily by commuters until the new interstate had been built. It would take all day to search. He turned to share this bad news with Cas, before he remembered that he was not to talk to Cas. Or make eye contact. Or fantasise daily about slamming him into walls and making-out with him. Dean frowned angrily at himself. He had to get over this weird new infatuation for his friend. He looked around for Cas and saw he was still a few paces behind staring intently at the concrete wall.

"Erm... Earth to Cas" He said loudly, retracing his steps back to the angel. Cas looked up into his face and Dean's breath hitched. Why did he have to be so damn beautiful? It only made the whole shitty situation ten times worse. It made it so damn hard to pretend to mad at him.

"I think I can see something on the wall" Cas said. He was frowning slightly and he'd talked quietly out of the side of his mouth, which Dean had always found extremely attractive for some reason. This meant Dean had missed most of the sentence because he was staring at Cas's gorgeous mouth again.  
"You can see something on the wall?" Dean repeated peering at the grey concrete.

"I think so. I thought I could" Cas sounded confused. He was tugging the cuffs of his massive blazer into his fists again.  
"Well whatever" Dean managed to grunt. Before turning back toward the door. Through sheer force of will he didn't turn around to see if Cas was coming or see if he'd upset him. He was building walls. Huge menacing walls to keep feelings away and cut himself off.  
...................................................  
Cas

Dean Winchester was an asshole. He tried the new word out in his mind. It seemed to fit in with people the Winchesters had used it on in the past and Dean's current behaviour. He sighed mentally. He was sure the situation was his fault but the absent truth of it plagued him so much that he had stopped feelings sorry for himself. Now he just felt angry that Dean was treating him this way.  
He followed the asshole into the multi-storied building.

The bottom two floors were empty but for a few old and broken cars. Apparently this car park was a hot-spot for the local youth to hang out as it had been trashed and graffitied as a result. The supposed hauntings had been seen by teenagers in the bottom floors but they found nothing that could connect witches, ghosts or ghouls to the scene. Despite the lack of evidence, they tread each room silently, with the guns out if need be. It wasn't till they got to the third floor that Cas realised he could hear music.

He related this to Dean and they stopped and listened for a while. The music was distasteful and loud, Cas thought. Electronic instruments and wailing. He and Dean climbed the stairs to the fourth floor slowly and entered a section of the car park that had been completely remodelled. The entire floor had been cut up into rooms, the first one they could see right into. There was a table covered in party food and alcohol and a large boom box set up in one corner.

Ten men were playing darts.

That had been Cas's first thought.  
Then his eyes travelled the journey of the darts they were throwing. A young man was strung up against the opposite wall with a sloppy darts board drawn onto his bare chest. The colours of the painted board were almost indistinct now due to the amount of blood that had washed over them. He was peppered with holes. He was too tired to scream as the new dart thwacked into his stomach. Cas looked back at the men.

Their eyes were black. Demons.  
They had walked into a demon lair.

Dean's hand pulled at his shoulder and Cas knelt in the stairway next to him, out of sight.  
"Dean we have to help him" Cas said fervently, fully aware of the huge risk he was taking. He had to help. He always helped. Or tried to.

"No Cas" Dean spoke softly, as though he could read Cas's mind.

"There is way too many of them and I can hear more in the other rooms" Dean continued before as Cas opened his mouth to argue. Cas knew Dean was being rational and hated it. If he was still an angel he could smite them all in an instant, heal the young man and fly Dean away. He felt so powerless as he cowered on the stairway, listening to the sloppy sounds of more darts hitting the bleeding man and the jeers from the demons.

"What we have to do is get out of here and get back up" Dean whispered. He could see Cas's hesitation.

"We'll come back, I promise" Dean smiled gently at him and Cas nodded. As they began to tip-toe downstairs again, Cas was momentarily glad to have his Dean back to normal. But then a noise below them made him grab Dean's shoulder.

"There's more demons downstairs" His voice breathed the sounds as carefully as possible now that there was a threat from both directions. Dean listened until he could hear it too. The raucous chatter of the demon group downstairs. They had obviously come for a party. But they were trapped now and Cas could see Dean starting to panic.

"What do we..." He began but another noise above him made him stop. They peered over the lip of the stairwell to see demons on the fourth floor jumping over the low wall surrounding the car park. Cas could hear the applause of the newcomer demons below, as their friends fell to greet them and for a moment he felt jealousy at their inhuman strength. He watched just over the lip of the floor as the last demon, took a running jump over the wall, doing a back-flip and the corresponding cheer at the bottom. Dean closed his eyes and leant against the wall of the stairs, Cas walked up the remaining stairs.

"Guess we're lucky to be up against crazy suicidal demons" Dean muttered with relief. Cas hurried over to the man nailed to the wall. Darts were sticking out of nearly every part of his body. Cas went to remove some of them but Dean grabbed his hand.

"They'll notice, Cas we have to go. We'll creep past the rooms and down the car ramp." Cas's jaw clenched. It was a good plan but he didn't want to just leave a human here to die. He wasn't like that.

"Cas!" Dean's voice was more urgent as Cas moved toward the man once more. The man on the wall had two darts in each eye but he could still hear them.  
"Wh..Who's there?" He croaked. Dean grabbed Cas around the chest and clapped one hand over his mouth as he dragged him back. Cas didn't resist, he understood his mistake. He wanted more than anything to heal the man and free him. But he was going to die alone and scared. Cas closed his eyes and started to pray for the man. He wanted Metatron to let him in.

"Pp...lease help me" the man whined. Dean hissed quietly as he walked Cas further back from the man.

He began to thrash in his bindings and scream.

"SHIT!" Dean yelled as he hauled Cas into a sprint away from the man and past the other rooms. They ran the length of the divided section of the car park until they found the space leading to the ramp. Dean made to sprint down the car ramp but jolted back immediately.

"The demons are right at the bottom, what are we going to do!"

The nailed man's screaming was bringing sleepy demon couples out of the rooms Cas now guessed were bedrooms. They had to act quickly.

It was then that he noticed a line of shiny motorcycles against the wall at the top of the ramp. Leather jackets with the names of the owners in rhinestones, (he'd once heard Dean call that tacky) across the shoulders lay over the seat of each. Cas ran over to the nearest coat and motorbike, pulled the keys out of its coat pocket and tossed it to the floor. He then threw his leg over the motorbike and shook back his enormous sleeves to start the engine.

Dean looked perplexed for a moment then his face morphed too quickly for Castiel to process. He turned red then white and then he was livid.

"What the fuck Cas?!" he hissed.  
"We are going to drive past them, so they won't catch us"  
"But...But motorbikes are freaking dangerous we can’t just..."  
"I know what I'm doing, Emmanuel had one. I'll show you..."  
It was then that a demon rounded the corner from the screaming man and saw Castiel the ex-angel of the lord and Dean Winchester the notorious demon killer, discussing motorbikes in her lair. She threw her head back and screamed.

  
"Get on!" Cas yelled to Dean before the demons behind them charged, pulling out knives from her pockets. Dean took one last fearful glare at the motorbike before he threw his leg over it and squeezed Cas around the waist with both arms. Castiel mashed the accelerator into the floor and the motor bike shot down the ramp in tight circles.

Dean gave what sounded like a scream and buried his face in Castiel's shoulder. Gun fire followed them down. The demons congregated at the bottom seemed to realise something was going on, a few of them had began to run up the ramp to head them off. Cas swerved around them with ease.

  
He'd always loved Emmanuel's motorbike. Daphne hadn't known about it of course, she'd hated anything liberating. He had been her project, something she had to fix and in the end, when she had succeeded, she got to take her prize home. She had asked him to marry her. Cas never regretted his married life because he hadn't been himself. He had pretty much been the man Daphne and her religion told him to be and at the time he had been fine with it. But the motorbike he knew he had truly liked. He reflected that it must have subconsciously reminded him of flying.

The combined screams of the enraged demons, Dean and the motorbike, brought Cas back from his reverie. They were almost at the bottom now and Cas shot past the large group of confused demons in their party outfits, one of them was wearing a t-shirt that said 'Angel free zone' with a cartoon of an angel with a broken halo.

So that was what they were celebrating.

Cas sped all the way down the empty road, trying to form a plan in his mind. He'd always thought best when he was in his thinking position or flying.

"Dean" He yelled over his shoulder, the rush of the wind taking his words away.  
"Dean you need to call Sam and tell him what happened because we might need to lie low for a while" He practically screamed every word but tried to enunciate at the same time. He could hear the roars of more motorbike engines behind him and knew he was right. Stay away from Sam. Lie low.

 But Dean frantically shook his head into Cas's shoulder. Cas had never seen Dean scared of anything. Demons, angels, archangels, witches, ghosts it was all the same to him. 'Bravado and Dutch courage' Sam had replied once, when Cas had asked him why Dean wasn't afraid of anything. Sam had smiled and added that Dean was scared of cats and small dogs but nothing that could actually hurt him.

Cas accepted those were irrational fears but as a new human he could also understand that certain weird things scare different people. The first time there had been a spider in his room, he had slept on the couch for three days until Dean relented and killed it for him. He felt sympathy for Dean, whom it now seemed was also scared of motor bikes.

Making his mind up, Cas pulled the bike round sharply and drove into the trees at the side of the road, though it was harder to manoeuvre in the woods but he still managed it. He drove into the densest part of undergrowth before killing the engine. He waited. Every fibre of his body was tensed, alert and humming like the motor bike. The roaring wind had left him with blaring white noise but he focused on listening and the quick beat of Dean's heart against his back.

The demons had chased them. But not all of them, which was a small blessing. Cas counted nine motorbikes blazing past their cops of trees, each with two riders. Some of the demons had exited their vessels and Cas could see their true forms glide over head like wisps of smoke, but their tattoos concealed them. Luckily, they all kept going on into town, expecting Cas and Dean to go toward safety immediately.

They still had to warn Sam.

Cas reached behind him and patted down Dean's pockets, finding his phone in his top of his jeans. The angle was awkward but Cas managed to wriggle Dean's phone out of his pocket. Dean was still breathing heavily and had his face pressed tight against Cas's back and neck. Dean had Sam on speed dial but Sam didn't pick up.

Dean shifted against Cas, cuddling closer. Then he seemed to realise what he was doing and straightened up too quickly, lost his balance and nearly fell backwards off the bike.

Cas twisted around and caught Dean by the elbow, hauling him close again. Dean blushed and hugged Cas round the middle again, he was obviously still shaken from the velocity of the ride. The paleness of his skin making his freckles stand out.

"Thanks, is he pickin up?" Dean mumbled against the top of Cas's spine sending tremors down his back like hot rain.  
"No" Cas managed to choke out. Dean was warm and close.  
Cas tried to mentally shake himself, his mind was wandering. He paused with his thumb over a button, he wasn't good at recorded messages, Sam had told him that once."Do you want to leave the message for your brother?"  
"Yer" Dean replied, freeing one hand from around Cas's waist to take the phone but keeping the other tightly wound round him. Cas wondered if Dean still felt scared and needed the extra comfort. So in a totally platonic and reassuring friend way, he put his own arm over the top of Dean's, keeping him there. He could almost hear Dean's hidden smile, whilst he left his message for Sam. In return he pressed more up against Cas' back.  
It was cold in the wood.  
That's why.  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehehehehe Cas riding motor bike and Dean clinging to him like a koala :3


	7. Little Bird

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean are in a motel now to hide from the biker demons. But Cas can't sleep.

Cas lay on his back staring at the stars. It was around four in the morning, streaks of pale blue and gold were beginning to lighten the dark sky and permeate the air with more warmth. 

The flat roof of the motel he and Dean were staying at was gritty and uncomfortable but Cas couldn't sleep anyway, the ride on the motorbike had reminded him of flying. Cas closed his eyes. He had always loved flying; the unlimited space and the speed and the freedom. If he concentrated he could still feel the rush of wind through his feathers and his fingertips. 

He tried his hardest not to get sentimental about what he couldn’t have anymore and not mope. He did get nostalgic at times, but he always tried to hide it from the Winchesters. They didn't need to know about his regrets.

It had been hard at first to just let it go. His life was a constant reminder that he hadn’t been a human initially. 

The first time he’d seen his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, he had freaked out and punched at it, assuming there was an intruder. He then felt worse when he realised he had just never bothered to see what Jimmy Novak had looked like, never bothered to look at who he was wearing.

Like he’d gotten dressed in the dark.

He had been inconsiderate as an angel, so powerful and superior to everyone else that he had never considered Jimmy as a real entity before now. Jimmy had allowed Cas to use his body because he had assumed he was doing God’s will. But Cas had essentially exploited him by doing what he had wanted instead. Claire had lost her dad and Cas had failed.

Cas took a deep breath as this additional regret added itself to the heap in his head. At least worrying about Dean not liking him anymore had been dismissed and forgotten but there was still much to atone for. 

He would redeem himself eventually.

Hunting was one way to help cleanse his new soul. But this additionally made him miss his ability to heal. Dean and Sam would return with burns and scratches and he couldn't do a thing to help. He had knocked one of Sam’s teeth out when they had been fighting once and they'd had to actually go to the dentist to fix it. 

“You don’t have to be able to heal anymore Cas, not now we have Obama care” Dean had said lightly while they sat in the waxy chairs in the dentist surgery. Cas liked it even less when they tried to make him feel better. That was why he hid his remorse and his grief.

Lost in thought, he gave a start when Dean thumped on the roof, lying flat next to him. They were both quiet for a time, watching the stars.

“So I woke up and you were gone” Dean said his voice shaking a little. Cas cursed himself internally. It seemed he was inconsiderate as a human too.

“Sorry”

“It’s cool man. Good thing I thought to check the roof though or I would have flipped out.”

Cas smiled despite himself.  
Dean always seemed to know where he was no matter what. 

Similarly, Cas always had an inclination of when Dean was in danger. He had never put the feeling into words, nor had he discussed his minor telepathy with Dean but it worked well when Dean was out on a hunt and Cas could be prepared with a first aid kit when he got back. Maybe they had one of those rumoured sixth senses that human twins had because of their platonic bond. Cas was no longer an angel but the mark he had left on Dean’s shoulder remained in place. Seeing his own hand print whenever Dean was shirtless gave him a weird fiery feeling that he could never identify.

“So we never really talk about... you being an angel” Dean said slowly and Cas stiffened. He had tried to hide it but Dean always knew. 

“Do you miss it?”

He sighed trying to put into words what exactly he missed most. 

“I miss flying” He began but it sounded too simple, childlike. “The sky is so vast and endless you could stay there for years. It’s so free and unrestricted and as an angel you... you're never liberated in any respect. The sky is the only thing you have and...” He sighed. “...You wouldn't believe how blue it is up there”. 

He turned to Dean, to see if what he was expressing could be understood at all by a wingless creature.

Dean was looking at him funny again. Castiel’s catalogue of Dean expressions came to life, attempting to decipher this new face. He had once thought of Dean’s expressions like a paint chart, complex and overlapping because as an angel, emotions were a foreign concept, as they were usually seen through the soul. But Dean’s soul was too bright to read properly so he’d had to focus on his outer face. Unfortunately as a human he still didn't have a clue what Dean was thinking. He looked at Dean’s eyes. They were very green. Castiel thought that he could compare Dean’s eyes to every other green thing on the planet and they would still be the most wonderful. If heaven was white and freedom was blue he thought, then green would be humanity.

Castiel could tell a great deal of time had passed because the sky had grown lighter and birds had started to sing in the trees, his back had begun to hurt but he still stared at Dean.

Eventually Dean pulled a different face, this one caused his mouth to do an upside down smile accompanied by a shrug, Cas knew this one meant 'non committal'. 

“So I really can’t ride a motorbike huh” He said, his tone light. Cas laughed.

“Nope”

“Don’t tell Sammy”

“I won’t” 

They were quiet again.

“I could see angel warding sigils” Cas said suddenly sitting up, the realisation rushing in fast like the tide. Dean looked confused.

“What? Where?”

“On the side of the demon lair, they were faint because I'm not an angel anymore but I could still see them” Cas smiled. He wasn't completely gone after all. Dean smiled back.

“That’s pretty cool” Dean turned his head to look back up at the sky and Cas lay back down and copied him. It was getting lighter. Cas felt happier at this discovery. The sigils had been faint and unreadable but they were still noticeable. Perhaps he was still partially angel. 

“Do we go back to the bunker today?”

“Nah need to stay here one more day just to be safe” Dean yawned. 

“We should go back to bed” Dean then snapped his mouth shut mid-yawn and blushed lightly.

“Separate beds” He said quickly sitting up, his blush increasing. “I meant not together because we don’t ...” Dean pointed at Cas then himself then swallowed and moved away from him, bright red.

“I'll be downstairs” he muttered before climbing down clumsily from the roof.

Cas grinned to himself. Things were looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le cute awkwardness


	8. We're halfway there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ChchchCharlie!
> 
>  
> 
> Also Cas still being adorable

They all stood in the long wooded driveway as Charlie came running up to them, enormous bags strapped over her shoulders and in her hands. She launched herself into Dean’s arms and nearly toppled them both over.

“I missed you” She said in his ear. They broke apart and Dean grinned at her.

“I missed you too”  
Charlie smiled back, then turned to Sam and threw her arms around him. Dean smirked as Sam was bent nearly double to reach her. Charlie released him and he took her bags, like a real gentleman, Dean thought. Charlie then rounded on Cas who held out his hand.

“Hello I am Ca...” Dean snickered as Cas’ voice was cut off as Charlie threw herself at him and then recoiled almost instantly. Dean stepped forward a little to see what was wrong.

“Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry.” She babbled, clapping a hand to her face. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

Cas blinked at her.

“Um...” He glanced at Dean fleetingly and then back at Charlie who was still frozen in front of him. 

He looked absolutely stumped by the question. 

Dean thought back to the few times he had hugged Cas. In purgatory he couldn't help it, he was just so damn happy to see Cas because he had focused his entire being on finding him for so long he just...needed to touch him. Make damn sure he was real. 

Cas had never been asked this question before.

So how would he know how to answer?

Cas frowned, thinking.

“I am not averse to being hugged, although I do feel I need to know somebody beforehand”

“Absolutely, me too” Charlie grinned at him, dropping her arms “I’ll restrain myself for a while, then” she winked and helped Sam take her bags inside.

Dean was about to follow her inside when he realised Cas wasn’t coming. He turned to see the angel still stood where Charlie had nearly hugged him.

“What’s up man?”

Cas peered at him.

But it was not the indecipherable angel stare he used to do, he had more emotions to convey now and Dean saw more of them every day. The way his eyes sparkled when Dean cooked or when Sam bought him new books. In the distasteful down turn of his mouth whenever the microwave did not obey his commands or the contented look he had when he wore enormous sweaters. Now there was worry in the tense lines of his forehead and anxiety in his eyes.

“Cas?” Cas took a deep breath.

“I am sorry if I offended your friend Dean” 

“What?”

“By answering her honestly and denying her access to hugging me, I fear I may have caused offense” He chewed his lip and stared at the ground “I feel I have made a bad impression”.

Dean felt his chest do the melting thing that spontaneously coincided with Cas being utterly adorable. He walked closer to Cas, resisting the urge to wrap his hands round him and attempt to locate his waist under the tent-like jumper he was wearing.

“Dude Charlie wasn't offended at all” he said, making Cas look up at him from the ground. 

Damn.

He was still biting his bottom lip.

Dean cleared his throat and attempted to rid his head of porn before continuing.

“She asked you first because she didn't want to overstep your boundaries because she has a tendency to be a bit excitable” Dean tried his best to sound consoling and supportive. He knew Cas hated it when he didn't understand something.

“Cas?” Cas was still looking at him with his brow furrowed.

“Ok” He said eventually with a small smile and Dean couldn't resist the urge to touch him this time. Fortunately his desire for contact manifested in a manly shoulder slap and he began to walk inside again.

“Dean?” He turned again.

“You would tell me though... if I did something wrong, right?” Cas looked confused by his own question but he looked hard at Dean and he knew they were both recalling the days after the gym incident where he had refused to look at Cas. 

Damnit.

He had never explained that.

“Sure I would Cas” he lied. 

But Cas smiled and finally followed him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad Dean.  
> Just tell him you love him you asshole


	9. Eyes on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Charlie brotp
> 
> Jealous!Dean
> 
> Cas looking damn fine in skinny jeans

Cas

Charlie had her own room at the bunker and over the next couple of days, Cas decided he liked her.

Over breakfast of the first day she discovered he had never had “the epic mind-blowing experience” that was the Avengers movie.

At once; she ordered Dean to the video store, told Sam to make some popcorn and Cas to change back into his pajamas.

“But I just got dressed” He had protested, watching in shock as the Winchester brothers rushed around to do as Charlie had bid them.

“Well change back” She had grinned, before fetching all their bedding to make a nest in front of the TV.

From that day Cas had been introduced to Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and Game of Thrones.

He learned from Charlie that a box-set was a highly treasured possession and they were sometimes more reliable and caring than real people. He learned that using “nerd references” was like a whole other language he could use to add to his wide collection.  
In exchange he taught Charlie how to use an angel blade and pronounce exorcisms correctly.  
Charlie taught him how to use the internet to hack people and he told her about the Vikings and how the Norse Gods, like Thor, were widely praised and revered by humans, when really they were just angels showing off.

Cas and Charlie’s friendship was based on a genuine interest in one another, assisted by the complete contrast in their backgrounds. Cas would happily have her move into the bunker with them if only it would make Dean act less weird.

His new friendship with Charlie meant less time spent with Dean.

 

Dean

“I mean he never used to like TV! Like... **at all**!” He protested, sitting on the hood of his Impala with a bottle of beer in one hand and a wrench in the other.  
Working on the Impala always seemed to make him feel better but not today apparently. Today all he could see was the way Cas’ face lit up when he understood a reference from Charlie and it hurt all the way to Dean’s soul that **he** wasn't the cause of that look.

Goddamnit Cas loved the TV more than him!

Sam gave him a minor bitchface from the corner, where he was perched on a lopsided stool, the angle of which seemed to enhance his sass.

“Well it’s not like you ever gave him a choice of channels” He said over the sound of Dean muttering angrily under his breath.

“What?”

“Dean all you ever watch is Dr Sexy! Maybe he just doesn't like it?” Dean nearly dropped the wrench and the bitchface increased in magnitude.

“Oh my god that never even crossed your mind, did it?”

“Shut up, Sam”

The moose rolled his eyes and chuckled, then got to his feet.

“We're going into town later. Charlie wants the new Sherlock box-set and I was thinking we should get some clothes for Cas because he always steals mine”

“He likes the sleeves”

“Yeah well he can get his own” Sam mumbled a little defensively.

 

Dean drove them to the nearest town in the Impala with Cas and Charlie chatting non-stop in the backseat. He didn't know quite what he was feeling, but whenever Charlie made Cas laugh and he tipped his head back, exposing his long pale neck, some sort of writhing fiery snake coiled in him.

He had never made Cas laugh like that and he'd known him longer!

Sam abandoned him. He managed to escape the car when they drove past a bookstore, claiming he'd lost his favourite book and needed to replace it _blahblahblah_.

This meant Dean was stuck shopping with Potter and Weasley.

 

 “Goddamnit Cas you cannot try the clothes on **in** the store!” He hissed as quietly as possible in the menswear department, trying to attribute the blush creeping up his neck to humiliation rather than the recent discovery of Cas’s collarbones. They were long and prominent and he wanted to bite them and...

“Do the buttons back up” He ordered against his will and Cas pouted at him before doing up the top three buttons of his dark shirt.  
Dean then took a deep breath and used every ounce of his self control not to undo them again.

He had realised what the writhing feeling was whenever he saw Cas happy with Charlie.

He was jealous.

Which was completely ridiculous because they were just friends...

The jealousy writhing in him could not understand the logic of ‘just friends’ and apparently he was a possessive bastard. Dean had to get away from Cas before he did something drastic. Like suck claiming hickeys all along his jawline and shoving him roughly up against a wall...

 “Now the changing rooms are over there, you take the stuff you want to try on and if it fits you buy it over there” He pointed to the pay desk then pulled out one if their fake credit cards.

“I’ll see you outside in ten mi...”

“You’re going to leave me?” Cas’s eyes were wide and blue. Dean didn’t have an adequate vocabulary at the best of times but the power of Cas’s eyes reduced him to an incoherent mess.

They were just blue damnit. Blue.

“Yeah dude you're a grown-ass man, you can buy your own clothes” He said bracingly before practically running out of the shop like a child.

He couldn’t deal with the thought of Cas close by and naked, so he sat in an outside cafe opposite the street to wait for him.

He didn't usually go to cafes; it was usually just diners and bars. But he had to say the coffee here was actually good.

He idly watched people pass by and saw that women, he would once have found very attractive and just didn’t do anything at all to him anymore.

Finding out he wanted to make-out with his best friend was one thing.

Discovering he no longer liked chicks was a whole other thing.

He felt like his security blanket was slipping so he stared hard at a woman’s butt for a whole minute and not a thing happened. No initial stirrings of an erection, no tingling sensation, his heart rate didn't even pick up damnit!

“Dude, why are you bothering? She’s only a seven” Dean jolted as Charlie sat down opposite him, smiling happily, back from her trip to the media store.

“What?” He spluttered.

“Out of ten, she’s only a seven” Charlie nodded at the woman whose butt he had been scrutinising.

“Oh. Yeah” He composed his inner freak out and tried to remember what his normal face looked like. His whole world seemed to have become flat and he had fallen over the edge. What if he didn't look heterosexual anymore? What if people could tell? What if Cas could tell? Dean would not hyperventilate. He would not.

“Dean are you okay?” Charlie was leaning toward him, looking concerned.

“Yep totally fine”

She made a little “hmm” noise to show she didn't believe him whatsoever but didn't push him. Dean was damn grateful for that.

“Eight” She said, looking out at the crowds passing again.

Dean looking out eagerly, grasping at normality; he was just a normal guy, rating how hot people looked.

“Ew no look at her teeth” He replied, as the tall brunette woman yawned.

“Okay how about this one” Charlie said. He was a tall tan dude with tattoos and a perfect arse.

“Seven”

“Really?” Charlie asked

“Yeah I don't like the skin head thing.”

 

They continued for some time, judging complete strangers of either gender on their looks. It was inconsiderate and ignorant but it took his mind of his own problems.

After a while Charlie began to make up stories for some of the more interesting looking people rushing by. The woman carrying the box of kittens had forgotten her daughter’s birthday and had quickly picked them up from a pet store on her way home from work. The teenage boy who glared at the ground was actually a ballet dancer and his secret life’s dream was to do swan lake but his dad wouldn't let him.

Dean smiled at her amusedly as she grew more exuberant in her story-telling. He loved Charlie’s imagination. It had just begun to rain, the sky had grown darker.

He was caught up in their private world, as umbrellas unfurled in the sky and the moody sky huddled around them. They remained dry and secluded under the plastic canopy of the cafe.

That was when he saw a pair of long denim clad legs walk out of the store opposite. He had tan leather Dr Sexy-type cowboy boots and dark skinny jeans that clung to his legs like a second skin and emphasised damn powerful looking thighs, if only he would turn around so Dean could see his butt. A crowd of tourists with umbrellas blocked his view from the man’s upper body.

“Mmmn! Definite ten approaching”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Charlie glance between him and the ten and then back again. She had a better viewing angle and she blushed scarlet as her hair.

“Erm Dean...Look a little higher”

Gladly, he thought. The guy was wearing a long sleeved blue plaid t-shirt and a thick leather belt. He had woollen army-style cadet coat that was dark blue and had a high collar. He was carrying bags of shopping. It was then that somebody blocking Dean vision with an umbrella moved out of the way so he could see the guys face and...

“Fucking **SHIT** ” Dean yelped and attempted to bury his blushing face in the menu as Cas came closer and closer until he pulled up a chair next to Dean and accidentally brushing their legs together.

“So Cas we just noticed how incredibly attractive you look” Charlie said grinning like the Cheshire Cat at Dean who put the menu down, unable to hide his blush now that it had reached his ears. Cas finished putting his bags all around him and straightened his coat.

“Thank you” Cas said blushing a little himself and shaking his head slightly to get the raindrops out of his hair.

“The man in the shop was very helpful; he said I should buy lots of blue things because they bring out my eyes”.

Dean’s possessive streak reared its ugly head at that and he went red for an entirely different reason. Someone else had gotten to dress Cas and tell him which colours matched his eyes? That should have been him!

“Well he sure knew what he was talking about, didn’t he Dean?” Charlie said, trying her hardest not to laugh at his obvious reaction. Dean attempted to kick her under the table but kicked the iron table leg instead.

“Shit!” He yelled as he bent down to massage his toes and Charlie laughed.

“What is going on?” Cas asked confusedly and as Dean leaned up again he accidentally made eye contact with him.

Whoever had dressed Cas knew exactly what they were doing. The high collar of the coat was cut at the same angle as his cheekbones and complimented his firm jaw line perfectly. The red stripes that were in amongst the blue in his plaid t-shirt brought out his gorgeous mouth and...

“We have to go home now.” Dean said getting up quickly and holding his coat in front of him to hide the fact he was sporting a semi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intense eye-fucking ftw!


	10. Fabulous Killjoys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is worried about hunting his brothers and sisters tomorrow and resorts to patrolling the bunker. He recalls drunken fun times with Kevin (WHO IS NOT DEAD HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST HE IS) and ends up sharing a bed with Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS I HAVE BEEN ASLEEP FOR MONTHS I AM SORRY. But look I have brought you great gifts of drunkenness and Charlie Bradbury.

Cas lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. They were going on another hunt tomorrow. He was trying not to think about it.

He was no longer nervous during hunts; he had been on several since his encounter with the biker demons in Missouri. He, Sam and Dean had tracked a werewolf all the way to Santa Fe and had killed a ghost that had taken to haunting a pre-school but they had taken a break when Charlie arrived. In addition his angelic ability to perceive invisible symbols had gotten stronger. Like reading the angel tablet for Kevin, Cas saw supernatural as blurred lines between this plane and the next. He had almost perfected this sixth sense, he thought proudly. He could now see a demon's true face again, not that it was nice to look at but he could pick out the demons from the ordinary humans and it was nice to feel special again.

Cas turned over to face the wall. It was no longer blank as it had been on his arrival; photographs taken by Charlie now papered it and a pasta collage done by one of the pre-schoolers he had helped was just left of his calendar of motorbikes which Dean had bought him spontaneously one rainy weekend.

Cas smiled at the pictures from the night that Kevin returned from his recreational holiday. Cas had worried absently that Kevin would still dislike him for his previous coldness toward him but the young man had welcomed him warily and slumped into a chair, insisting that he was now old enough to “get wasted” so they ought to do that before the Winchesters sent him to his premature death. They had laughed nervously at that but Charlie pirouetted from the room and returned with bottles of various alcoholic substances, cheering Kevin’s mood considerably. They had decided to do shots, which Cas had thought himself quite apt at first until the full force of the Smirnoff he had been slamming seemed to electrify his insides and everything became very funny all of a sudden.

He went to lie on the couch until he stopped laughing and when he returned to the table; the Winchesters, Kevin and Charlie were playing a game called ‘never have I ever’. Charlie was sprawled on the table as she yelled triumphantly, 

“Never have I ever, never never before kissed a man!”

Everyone erupted in laughter as Charlie mock bowed at them, but turned startled as Kevin’s glass smacked back down on the table.

“What?” he slurred as four pairs of eyes stared at him. “Don’ tell me you never s’perimented in college”.

Charlie howled at that and took a picture of Kevin as Sam leant heavily across Cas to ruffle Kevin’s hair.

“Deano’s turn!” Charlie announced and prodded Dean in the arm to bring him out of his drunken stupor. Dean had not only been taking the shots but had empty bottles of beer around his chair as well. He had been drinking more and more lately and seemed glad of the chance of be sociable at the same time.

“Kay, kay” He said smiling giddily at them all, before grinning slyly at Charlie.

“I have never gotten a tattoo of Princess Leia” he snorted and Charlie snarled playfully at him as she downed another shot.

“Cassy!” Sam shouted suddenly. “Your go”. Cas understood the premise of the game by now, despite the sluggishness of his intoxicated brain and cast around in his mind for something he had not done but the others undoubtedly had.

“I have never had sex!” He cried happily at the groans of his friends. 

“Cassy we have to get you laid, hon” Charlie said, somewhat sympathetically as Dean passed her the bottle. Sam patted him on the back and Kevin smiled understandingly at him.

“Yeah but y’know... Not yet” Dean said sharply and everyone turned to look at him. Dean froze with one hand still on the neck of the vodka bottle. Cas could see Sam was attempting to raise one eyebrow at his brother but did not have proper use of his facial muscles, so he just kept blinking awkwardly. Charlie was looking at Dean curiously, her eyes strangely sharp for one so drunk.

“B...because its Sammy’s turn now and he can’t miss that! Am I right?” Dean slurred and Kevin cheered drunkenly.

Sam giggled, all of the awkwardness suddenly vanishing as he cleared his throat and eyed them all suspiciously.

“I haven’t had sex in a church” He said glaring at Dean with a smirk playing on his mouth. The whole table laughed as Dean retorted with “Why do I tell you these things!”

Dean put the bottle back down as he re-filled his shot glass and it was picked up by Charlie who grinned lewdly at them. The bottle was then picked up by Kevin, “Oh come on!” He smirked as he filled his own glass “I lived in a church for a year with my girlfriend”.

Cas liked being drunk. It was infinitely easier than being sober all the time. He had nothing to worry about and all of his friends were happy. Charlie staggered to bed around midnight attempting to sing an instrumental song as she went. After another couple rounds Sam picked up Kevin from where he had pooled on the floor and carried him off.

Dean had grinned at Cas. 

“It is just you and me now Cas and I...” He bowed his head and laughed into his chest “I think we should watch Dr Sexy!” Cas laughed and they stumbled away from the table toward the couch. After a while Cas was only vaguely aware of the television being on at all, Dean’s head was slumped heavily on his shoulder and one of his hands rested on Cas’ thigh. Cas was quite contented like this and his drunken mind identified two things...

 

He liked having Dean near to him.  
and  
They had not been this close since the gym incident.

 

“Hey Casss” Dean mumbled into his neck. The prolonged syllable sending shivers down Castiel’s spine.

“Yeah?” 

Dean did not respond; instead he began to sing softly under his breath. He sang beautifully, Cas thought as his consciousness began to drift, like an angel.

They had woken up the next morning around midday, lying horizontally on the couch, to the sharp sound of a camera shutter noise. Cas opened his eyes blearily and became aware of Dean lying on top of him with his head on Cas’ chest and Charlie and Sam laughing silently at Charlie’s camera.

 

Back in the present in his bed, Cas snorted at the memory. It calmed him just to recall Dean’s proximity that day but he sighed as the thoughts he trying not to dwell on came back to him.

They were hunting Angels tomorrow.

When they had found the source of all the killings Dean had said he didn't have to come along. He and Sam would go alone. But that had not helped. If they were injured and Cas had not been there... he grimaced at the thought. He did not need this right now; these dystopian thoughts. If they continued to plague him he would undoubtedly have nightmares and be unprepared for whatever tomorrow brought.

Cas tossed in his bed for another hour before giving up on sleep. Incessant possibilities and situations burst and died in his mind like fireworks. He could not stop worrying.

He got out of bed and stalked the corridors. Passing Charlie and Kevin’s rooms before reaching the kitchen and moving back through the sitting room toward Dean and Sam’s rooms. 

He kept up his route, mindlessly walking helped tune out the din of anguish fogging his brain. It helped him not to think. He recalled the effect of the alcohol from the party and could see similarities in his sleep deprived state. He supposed if he ever got drunk when he was tired he should not be able think at all. 

But as a human, he reasoned, he now had to consider the dangers of alcoholism. It seemed silly he thought, that not so long ago he could drink an entire liquor store.

He was walking idly down the corridor for the hundredth time when a figure moved out of the darkness and ploughed right into him. Despite his dreamy haze Cas reflexes were sharp and his first instinct was to fight. He toppled the figure and pinned it to the ground. 

“Mmn Cas!” The man groaned his voice rough from sleep.

“Dean?” 

“Yes you idiot” Cas stumbled back to his feet and helped Dean up where he could see him properly in the low light from a window. His hair was rumpled from sleep and he had pillow creases on his face but he was blinking rapidly as if to wake himself up.

“What are y...?” Dean stopped and scrutinised Cas closer before groaning and rubbing his eyes.

“You can’t sleep because of tomorrow right?” Cas looked down and shuffled his bare feet.

“No”. They could leave him behind. He wouldn’t let them.

Dean rolled his eyes, as if he knew exactly what Cas was thinking. 

“C’mere” Dean took hold of Cas’ hand and tugged him back into Dean’s bedroom. 

Cas followed. From his experience with the Winchesters, Dean’s solutions for problems seemed to be alcohol and violence. He assumed Dean had not taken him into his room to beat him up and so concluded that he would be made to drink his problems away. 

“Oh well” he supposed sleepily “At least I won’t be able to feel emotions anymore”. 

Cas stumbled in his exhaustion as they tread further into Dean’s darkened room but he was jolted to full wakefulness, as Dean got back into his bed and attempted to pull Cas with him.

“What are you doing?” he asked sharply as Dean began to curl up into a ball under the sheets.

“Sleeping. Now get in here, you’re causing a draft” Dean turned away from him and Cas swallowed hesitantly at the side of the bed and after a while Dean turned back, sensing his apprehension.

“Cas, I said that you don’t get nightmares, if you share a bed with someone remember?” Dean said patiently but with his eyes screwed up, suggesting he was still fighting sleep. He sighed as Cas still hovered.

“Look it’s not like we haven’t done this before” Dean said with a slight smile, obviously referring to the drunken sleep on the couch but something hot constricted in Cas at those words.

“Yes. Yes okay. Just give me one second” Cas mumbled and rushed from the room followed by Dean's sleepy groans. 

What was wrong with him? He screamed internally as he made his way back to his own room. Why did Dean offering to share a bed with him conflict him so damn much?

He reached his own room and lifted the pillow on his bed to draw out his angel blade. He paused for a moment wondering if he could just sleep here and not go back to Dean. But it would look suspicious and raise questions from Dean. And he really did need to sleep well before tomorrow. 

The fact of the matter was, Cas thought, as he re-entered Dean’s room and slid into bed beside him: he had wanted to share a bed with Dean for months. Not just because of the nightmares but the physical proximity calmed him. Cas craved his closeness and his warmth so much that it scared him sometimes. It had begun after the gym incident. As though the precipice they had teetered on had changed Castiel somehow, made him connect with Dean in a way that he didn't understand yet but was nevertheless addicted to.

Cas sighed at the incomprehensibility of the matter as he tucked his angel blade under his new pillow and held his body as far from Dean’s as possible. He did not want to make matters any worse by accidentally clinging to Dean in the night; he had tried to train himself to dismiss these urges but they only grew stronger each day.

Cas smashed his face into the pillow angrily, now he only had more things to worry about. He had almost decided to go back to his wanderings again but Dean shifted in his sleep. He rolled right over and flung his arm around Cas’ waist. 

Cas closed his eyes and breathed out slowly through his nose in contentment.  
He would let himself have this.  
Just for tonight.  
He would indulge.

Cas put his own arm on top of Dean’s and held him tight.


	11. Wish I could

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a rude awakening in more ways than one.
> 
> The angel hunt begins and they make a new acquaintance with a troubled past.
> 
> I'm cryptic when I'm tired it seems.

Cas woke up slowly, his body groggy from rest. He attempted to arch his spine and roll over but found himself encircled tightly by heavy limbs. The realisation that someone was in his bed came much too slow for his sleep fogged brain and Cas had begun to stretch before he felt a hand tighten on his chest and he froze in fear.

The arm that had been casually slung across his waist last night was grasping a fistful of t-shirt over Cas’ left nipple and Dean’s right leg was now lying in the junction between Cas’ hip and waist.

Hardly daring to breath Cas held still and wondered fleetingly if he could get out of the bed without Dean noticing. He began to reach his left foot down to touch the thick carpet when Dean subconsciously sensed his prey was escaping and his loose limbs contracted around Cas’ body.

Stilling in his efforts to escape, Cas focused on keeping his thoughts clinical and clean, as though leaving Dean’s grasp was a military operation.

  
If he didn’t; other thoughts would invade his mind.

Like the fact that Dean was breathing right on the back of Cas’ neck and snuffling into his hair.  
Or that could feel Dean’s crotch against his tailbone.  
Or that Dean’s fist kept tightening around his nipple.

Cas whined a little at his predicament.

His infatuation with Dean had been growing but he'd had it under control. He tried not to dwell on it because it could never amount to anything. It was frivolous to want such things.

Now though, the physical contact alone was exacerbating his feelings at an alarming rate. Just being near Dean lit him up sometimes, made him feel whole, and right now he had Dean’s chest pressed hard against his back.  
If he concentrated hard enough he could feel every abdominal muscle separately squashed against his spine.

Cas decided he would just have to wait till Dean woke up.  
There was nothing else for it.  
Damn.

It took ten minutes more for Dean to stir. Cas was basking happily in his arms, just about to drift off again when Dean snuggled further into the back of his neck and rolled his hips lazily.

  
Cas’ thoughts became incoherent at once. An unbidden hope flared suddenly inside him “What if he’s awake?” the thought made him shudder with glee, and he pressed a grin into his pillow as Dean clutched and rolled against him.

There was a pause in Dean’s movements and Cas took a breath as reality came back to him and he reigned himself back a little.

Dean was asleep, he resolved, but he could pretend he was too.

Cas felt sinful as he made his decision, and Dean continued to rub against him; he felt the mad urge to laugh at his behaviour. At how human he had become, allowing emotions and feeling to envelop his focus completely.

Human Cas did not care for thought anymore, he began to vividly pretend that Dean was awake and wearing less and murmuring sweet things to him and perhaps kissing him.

Dean pressed an open mouthed kiss to the back of his neck and Cas froze.

Then he did it again, sucking lightly.  
Then Dean pressed his face onto his neck and mumbled something that sounded like...  
“Lissss”

Burning embarrassment fizzled away his daydream and Cas squeezed his eyes shut, putting his palms over his face, his desires and dreams suddenly quashed under waves of humiliation.

Dean thought he was Lisa, Cas moaned internally; the woman he'd gone to when Sam was in hell. 'Of course' he dreamed of her, Cas tried to tell himself angrily, his hope sputtering like a dying flame. She was Dean’s idyll, a paragon of wholesome untarnished love.

Cas felt ashamed for enjoying Dean’s presence and positively mortified for his crude imaginings. He resigned himself to pretending to be asleep, enforcing mental celibacy on his active imagination this time, as Dean continued to writhe sleepily against him.

After a while Dean’s movements stilled and he sighed as he awoke.

“Mornin” He mumbled into Cas’ neck, sending shivers down his spine. Then he felt the bed sag as Dean propped himself up on an elbow to look down at Cas’ face and his slow breathing halted.

“Oh shit” Dean muttered at the same time as Sam burst in the door.

“Wake up Dean we ha...” Sam began before he took in the sight before him, his brother still wrapped around Cas like an octopus blushing furiously, while Cas’ sleeping form faced him, seemingly oblivious to Sam’s entrance.

“Ha! Knew it! Kevin owes me a thousand bucks” Sam hollered and Dean flung his leg off Cas and charged at his brother who ran from the room. Their shouts became fainter and Cas peeked through his lashes at the now deserted room.

He rushed hastily back to his own room, then quickly dressed and psyched himself up for his intended behaviour at breakfast; naive, innocent, confused. He would pretend not to know what they were talking about or remember any of it.

That was his game plan.

Sam had set out a big breakfast for the day ahead and was waiting to pounce on Cas, smiling at him like a proud soccer mom as he served him bacon. Cas counted ten seconds before Sam began casually;

“So Dean says you had nightmares last night and that’s why you two were...cosy” he pronounced each syllable of the last word and looked at Cas knowingly, expecting him to deny it.

“Yes” Cas answered honestly, stretching his eyes wider than normal and blinking in innocent confusion, “Is that a problem?”

Sam backpedalled with impressive speed from lewd best friend to concerned kindergarten teacher, “It’s not Cas, no not at all, anything you need, man”

Cas nodded owlishly and Sam mirrored puppy eyes back at him, the sympathy rolling of his broad shoulders in waves.  
“Are they still really bad?” Sam asked in hushed tones.

Cas swallowed demurely, “Sometimes” he whispered back.

Sam squeezed his shoulder, nodding vigorously. Then he moved away with a plate of food, “I'm going to give this to Dean, I'll be back really really soon” he emphasised his eyes still brimming with concern. Cas nodded and he left.

Cas rubbed his eyes shamefully.

He hated deceiving people, particularly Sam, but he had found he was rather good at it of late. His new ability to pretend blossomed naturally after watching copious amounts of television with Charlie. He found that acting was not hard at all.

He was better on hunts because talking to people came easier when he assumed the role of hunter. As a hunter he could pretend he was no longer shy. In the bunker, however he was still an archetype for angelic purity, and no one suspected him to be the type of person to lie.

Nor did anyone suspect he would have enjoyed it while his best friend humped him.

The memory brought fresh waves of disgust over him and he nearly pushed his food away, but then recalled the purpose of the day: to track the closest Angel coven and wipe them out. Cas resolved to put this mess behind him for today, to resume his old angelic perspective and rid himself of human error.

They were soon convened outside, piling the Impala with their weapons and saying their farewells to Charlie and Kevin.

“So Cas I hear you had a rough night” Charlie had smirked as he hugged her.

“Yes I still get the nightmares but Dean helps me sometimes” Cas said innocently, looking at Dean's back admiringly as he did. Charlie glanced perplexedly at Sam, then back at Cas.

“So you two didn't…" She made a strange hand gesture that Cas pretended to misunderstand.

"You didn't...y'know...sword fight?” She asked hesitantly just as Dean approached.

Cas said “I don't know what you mean” at the same time as Dean blurted “Sam was joking”.

Charlie raised an eyebrow at Dean who blushed the same colour as her hair. Cas struggled to maintain his bewildered countenance as Charlie assessed them both minutely. He was sure that she could see through his facade sometimes.

“Huh” She concluded, and then patted Dean sympathetically on the arm, “See you guys later”. She moved to stand with Kevin and Sam motioned that they were ready to go.

Cas sat in the backseat alone as they pulled away from Charlie and Kevin’s parting waves, guilt pooling in his stomach. It must seem to them, that _Dean_ was the one with the unrequited love predicament and that Cas was oblivious to _him_.

When in reality, Dean just missed his old girlfriend and Cas was the victim of a misguided Cupid’s arrow.

But not only was he lying to protect his secret, he had humiliated Dean in his own stead.

“You can get some sleep Cas, we've a two-hour drive ahead of us” Dean advised from the driver’s seat and Cas accepted the offer. Sleep was a bitter form of refuge he thought, but still better than listening to his conflicted mind.

A few seconds later it seemed, Cas became aware of the brothers arguing and perked his ears, whilst still feigning sleep.

“So what were you doing?”

“I told you, I’m an active sleeper” Dean retorted and Sam snorted. He had been sharing motel rooms with his brother for years and he normally slept like a felled tree on his back or front and _not_ like a giant koala bear.

“You were practically lying on top of him” Sam teased "Kinda like the gym all over again" Cas could nearly feel Dean’s blush from the backseat.

“I was… dreaming, y’know how it is, haven't picked up a girl in a while” Dean explained, becoming surer of his excuse as he went on, “That Scarlett Johansson movie really plays on the mind”.

Sam made a noise of disgust at that.

“You were having a wet dream about Scarlett Johansson whilst sharing a bed with Cas” Sam questioned and Cas peeked through his lashes to see Dean shrug in an apparently careless manner.

“He was asleep, he doesn't know or care” Dean continued recklessly, unaware of Cas’ gasp from the backseat.

Sam rolled his shoulders uncomfortably.

“Well next time Cas is having bad dreams he can come to me for company, and not you and your exploitative sleep sex”

“Fine” Dean replied calmly and Sam turned to look out the window.

Cas tried not to choke as he felt an all-encompassing misery swallow him whole. He found he was not overly upset that Dean had exploited his presence in the bed but his disregard of Cas’ feelings, hit him hard.

Did Dean truly not know how he felt about him? His new embarrassment weighed him like a physical pain and a new thought occurred to him: Dean always seemed so at ease exploiting Cas, did he still not view him as person with his own feelings?

Was he still a commodity to him?

Castiel's musings made his own feelings for Dean seem pitiful and meaningless, hollowing him out.

Of course Dean didn't really care. Had he ever really cared?

Perhaps Dean had needed him well rested for today so sleeping to calm his nerves was the easiest way to achieve his competency in battle, and if Dean got something out of him at the same time, well that was just a bonus.

The clattering rage of Led Zeppelin filled the car as a single tear slid down Cas’ cheek.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They pulled up outside a motel in the town where a group of angels were rumoured to be harbouring. They knew they had inhabited the local drug dealers and loan sharks in order to force those in their power to also become vessels or else do their bidding.

Cas got out of the car and concealed his pain under a mask of complacency. He checked his reflection in the window; he did not look like a man whose soul had just been destroyed. He looked normal. He was good at acting.

Sam began strategizing their plan of attack as soon as they were unpacked. They were going to scope out the area to figure out what they were up against. They needed to discern the hierarchy of command if they were going to take out the leader and Sam thought they ought to start straight away.

Dean objected, saying they ought to plan for today and begin tomorrow, Cas thought he looked haggard and felt little sympathy for him.  
He doesn't care about me, Cas told himself. I am not going to care about him either. I can do that.

 

Sam asked Cas what he would rather do; Cas felt for his angel blade in his sleeve and declared himself ready. He and Sam were going to roam the town as FBI agents to collect information and Dean could do what he pleased. Dean agreed, to Cas' surprise, he never usually liked to stay behind.

“You clearly didn't get enough sleep last night” Sam insinuated at Dean in disgust before they left.

They began at the sheriff’s office and Cas made himself focus on the job. Right now he was an FBI agent investigating the “strange occurrences” in the town and that was all.

He was not a man in love with someone who didn't love him back.

Not now anyway.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They were taken to see Sheriff Stilinski and Cas and Sam alternated asking him questions. He was aware of the large numbers of people disappearing, ranging from teenagers to elderly couples, the stereotypical victims of drug abuse and loan sharks.But didn’t know where they were or where to start looking.

“Lots of abandoned buildings here” he explained “Businesses never last long in our economy”. Sam and Cas nodded in mock understanding.

As well as the disappearances, a few deaths had been reported, often relatives or close friends of the missing. Stilinski brought out crime photographs of bodies with their eyes burnt out, silent screams still frozen on their faces.

“We think it’s because they tried to stop their friends from being taken” the Sheriff shook his head in saddened incredulity.

“How does stuff like this even happen?”

Sam started talking vaguely about blowtorches and paraffin bullets. Cas’ eyes wandered to another officer outside the door. At first he thought the glass was frosted but as he looked closer he realised the woman’s face was blurred. She was looking down, perhaps reading; and he continued to peer at her in confusion, ignorant of Sam’s conversation now. Eventually she looked up and Cas saw that her eyes were glowing bright blue. She was an angel.

“What are you looking at, son” Stilinski asked, bringing him back to the present, craning his neck to see what Cas was so intent on.

“Nothing, sir” Cas replied flustered. He couldn't kill her here.

Stilinski smiled understandingly at him, “That is officer Carter” he informed, gesturing to the door with a bemused smirk. “She’s single”.

Great. Cas thought. No one would miss her vessel when she died.

Cas smiled tentatively “Sorry, I couldn't help noticing that she is particularly angelic” he replied pressing his foot on top of Sam’s as he said the last word, hoping he would take the hint subtly. Sam whirled his great head around to the door too, to peer at the woman.

She must have been listening in, however, as she too had looked up at his intonation. There was a tense moment as they made eye contact through the glass, Cas saw the surface of her true form grow brighter in fear at being discovered, but she didn't move.

They were at a stalemate, in anticipation of who would act first. Cas was about to slide his blade into his hand when the Sheriff waved goofily at the Officer, who visibly composed her emotions and waved back.

“Nice gal” He commented, eyeing Cas knowingly.

Cas nodded back.

She might have been.

 

They concluded their meeting and the Sheriff offered them all the resources and records they could need. He went away to another room and Cas and Sam approached the angel, who stood as they neared, and walked past them into the interrogation room, gesturing for them to follow.

“I don’t know who you are but I have nothing to do with the deaths or the kidnappings” She said quickly, raising her hands, as Sam shut the door behind him.

“And yet you are using a vessel with positional power, capable of distracting the human investigators from the true whereabouts of the Angel coven” Cas stated grimly, his angel blade halfway into his hand.

She shook her head.

“This is my true vessel and I do not work for the coven" She replied and he heard no tremor in her voice. "I want to help the humans... I” Castiel saw the vague outline of her wings droop a little inside her vessel, “I would have preferred the Sheriff but he wouldn't have let an angel in, he has no faith, not since his wife’s death” She began toying with a crucifix at her vessel's throat.

“Why would you want to help humanity?” Sam asked, taking a seat at her desk and motioning that they should do the same. Cas stood motionless for a split second, still prepared to fight, but the angel slumped into her chair, her head bowed as though in prayer. He sat.

“My name is Daniel” She explained. “I was a Watcher”. Cas gasped lightly and to his further surprise, so did Sam.

“From the Book of Enoch?” Sam interjected. Cas nudged him gently, he did not know that his excitement was inappropriate. Sam couldn't see Daniel’s wings shaking as though her true form was weeping.

A weeping angel.

“Yes the human scripture of my fall was highly... critical” She managed through her hands, pressed against her mouth. Cas huffed.

He would've said bitchy.

“You created a Nephilim and God cast you out, right?” Sam summarised and she nodded miserably, Cas could feel his initial instinct to fight ebbing away as sympathy welled up for her.

The cold exterior he had adopted as an FBI agent was slipping as he now knew perhaps, how Daniel must have felt.

To fall in love with a human.

To feel any human emotion was confounding for an angel, it defied the very fabric of their existence; freedom versus obedience.

Angels were indoctrinated from birth to love their absent Father, they had to conform to his ways and his laws without hesitation or question. Their only purpose was his will because angels did as they were meant to do, they did not feel.  
Angels were not created to love anyone else but he.

Cas knew firsthand any Angel that became capable of loving a human was lost forever from his angelic duties to God. Their supposed 'love' for him paled in contrast to human emotion: it was liberating, terrifying and fulfilling. Like being locked in a cell all your life, knowing nothing but the darkness, to suddenly have the doors thrown open and the world at your feet.

Cas could see that Daniel was brave for his choice to love openly; a thought that never would have occurred to him as an angel.

“What was their name” Cas asked, his voice gentler than before “the one you fell for”.

Daniel lifted her head and though Cas could see tears in her eyes, the corners of her mouth lifted, the sheer memory of her human fulfilling her.

Cas could see it in her grace, it shone brighter as she said, “Nina”.  
Cas nodded as he wondered if his grace used to that when he said Dean’s name. The other angels must have seen straight through him. No wonder Balthazar had teased so badly. He couldn't help smiling fondly at the thought.

“If” Sam began awkwardly, glancing at Cas “If you fell, then how are you an angel now?”

Daniel suddenly began to cry and Sam’s face contorted wretchedly at the sight, Cas could tell he wanted equally to be answered and to comfort her.

Cas knew that she needed time to compose herself. “Sometimes falling does not necessarily mean to Earth” Cas supplied, distracting Sam from his mothering instincts. “Daniel held a high position as a Watcher, to protect and guard, his knowledge likely made him too precious to kill or cast out and so he was demoted”.

“After they killed my wife and son” Daniel spat and they turned back to her “Half of my grace was tethered and I was given the position as librarian in the great library. I remember Raphael laughed at me and said I’d been given something worthier to ‘watch’ than mere humans.” Daniel’s jaw was clenched and from what Cas could see of her grace she was raging.

“When the fall began my grace returned and I felt my full power again, I was overjoyed, knowing I would be able to escape now. But my connection to heaven was severed and I felt the library slide away from me, as though gravity had reversed. I was flying but I was flightless. I landed here confused and in agony, my grace was restless and expanding. It was no longer connected to heaven”

She sighed.

“With so much grace, I knew I needed my true vessel to contain it but I required a travelling body to find her, being too weak myself. But I learned quickly that when I became angry my grace had nowhere to channel or flow, it simply explodes out of my vessel and attempts to simultaneously retain the vessel it is trapped in and overflow into my true form, which is still unperceivable on this plane, the results therefore, are monstrous.”

She looked up from her clasped hands at their rapt expressions “The first body I used was destroyed and I have had to be very careful with my true vessel, though I am certain I could heal her if I did transform accidentally.” There was a pause as she allowed them to let this information sink in.

“As hunters, have you encountered any more like me? Compatible I mean, accepting of our fate.” She asked tentatively.

Cas had sat through her tale awash with guilt and strife, humbled by her restraint not to strike him for bringing this upon her when she had already suffered so much. But also he was in awe of her strength and determination. But then... Hunters? He felt the blood drain from his face as though he faced the gallows, realising he had not once said his name.

“Actually, I am Ca...” he began, bowing his head as she had done, as though petitioning her mercy.

“Actually no we haven't” Sam interjected smoothly “Do all the angels have this ability to... erm...hulk out?”

Daniel smiled ruefully at his reference, wiping her eyes on her sleeve. “I believe so, the army they seem to be amassing teaches it as a last resort, as it takes great skill and control to tread the line between human and angel and maintain humanity.”

Her eyebrows creased “I spied on a group of them once, there were too many to take on so I observed them fighting and one... 'hulked out' as you say, he grew his wings and his tale but retained humanoid shape. His true form was clearly an eagle of some kind as he had grown a beak as well.”

She shuddered. “He was utterly animalistic, he killed his opponents and his associates all the same and when he had calmed down enough to turn back he killed himself.”

Sam was stunned by this news and began asking more questions, of which Cas was glad. All this evidence of his failure was carving handfuls of guilt into him and he felt sick.

A very human reaction to throw up, to physically expel bad things from within yourself.

At the bunker, before they had found proof of the fallen angels, he had tortured himself wondering what they were going through and envisioned their pure souls entrenched in the depravity, poverty and degradation he had exiled them to.

He had always assured himself, however that his imaginings were the worst case scenario and often he hoped that some of angels had reconciled their fall, started a new life.

He was so very naive. Not only had he dishonoured and sullied his race, he had twisted them into abhorrent aberrations.

He remembered, in the beginning his only conviction was that suicide would be obstructive. He needed to make amends and face his responsibilities. He needed atonement before he took his own life. Right now however, his goal seemed distant and frolicsome, because surely it would take an eternity to wash so much blood from his hands.

Sam’s hand on his shoulder made him jump and he realised it was dark in the Sheriff’s office and Daniel had put on her coat and was holding a bag.

“We will be in the vicinity if you need anything” Sam said to her and she expressed her gratitude. Cas felt so unworthy of her kind words, he could not look at her and Sam drove him back to the motel room in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have borrowed the incongruent yet no less magnificent Sheriff Stilinski from Teen Wolf because I have become recently obsessed with the show and he is my favourite character.  
> Sorry for bastardising the Book of Enoch for any Jewish readers, please bear in mind I got all my information off wikipedia and I am an ignorant heathen.
> 
> According to Hebrewbabynames.com 'Nina' means 'Grace' so it is ironic and painful for Daniel, who I think I should keep by the way? Idk? Maybe a new Winchester sidekick or oooh or a new girlfriend for Charlie shshshsh I totally have a plot guys it's not like I make it up sporadically or anything.


	12. Young Volcanoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean gets drunk and recalls his childhood - has he been gay all along?  
> God sends Dean a strong message  
> Cas and Sam return.  
> Dean confesses to Cas something he already knew.
> 
> AND THATS WHAT YOU MISSED ON GLEE

Dean

Dean had gone to the nearest bar the second Sam and Cas had left. He had tried to bleach his memory of his massive fuck-up of that morning. But instead of slowly forgetting his troubles however, he found that the more he drank, the worse he felt. Rolling the empty shot glass between his finger and thumb, he reluctantly allowed the tidal wave of repressed emotion to drown him.

_He’d had a wet dream about Cas whilst sharing a bed with him and it was literally the most embarrassing thing he had ever done._

  
Oh God he’d probably humped him like a dog! Dean cringed into the bar, every cell of his body recoiling at the humiliating prospect, as though trying to escape from being part of him.

He had initially taken solace in the comfort that Cas had been asleep at the time, because Dean was certain he talked in his sleep sometimes, and so he could have spilled his guts unconsciously to Cas and that would have been so much worse.

He then realised that Cas being asleep meant a whole lot of other things. Was it rape? Had he raped him?

Dean could feel pitching nausea rolling over him as he slumped dejectedly over the bar; he recalled Sam’s accusations in the car. Terrified of being discovered; he had feigned indifference, pretended he didn't care that he had used and abused Cas.

Better pretend to be an asshole than be gay, right?

Deeply repressed memories stirred inside of him and his drunken state allowed them to rise to the surface.

He was checking out Cas body in his new clothes.  
Aaron was hitting on him in the bar and Dean rebuffed him kindly, adopting his usual aura of heterosexual gentleman, before stumbling over a table in his hurry to get away lest he accept the offer.  
He had been tricked by the old magicians into meeting with ‘The Chief’ and he never told Sam what had happened.

A deeper memory clawed its way out of his mental purging.

His dad was telling him ‘faggots’ could never be hunters, as he sat on his motel room bed. His father was recounting his week away hunting and Bobby had tried to pair him up with someone close by for convenience.

“He just couldn't torture at all, hopeless with anything gruesome and it was just... uncomfortable to be around him, y’know?” Even to Dean’s seven year old ears, his father sounded irrational, as though he himself didn't know what he was protesting against. Dean remembered nodding demurely, accepting and unquestioning of his father’s new decree.

Thus far he couldn’t be: a footballer, a member of a rock band, join the school art club, or be gay. He kept these laws as fixed in his head, alongside his main focus of taking care of his brother. Eventually he realised he was not meant to have any interests at school or favourite topics. He wasn't supposed to have anything outside of Sam, his Father and hunting.

He accepted it

As he grew older, he took pride in his roguish handsomeness and establishment as a ‘ladies’ man’- partly because it made his dad happy that he was living the perfect ‘American soldier’ ideal. Obedient, handsome, hetrosexual and strong.

As hunting became his profession, he became painfully aware that he was not entirely the stereotype his father had hoped for.

He was around men, **all** the time.

He encountered a lot of very strong attractive hunters, very akin to him, but definitely straight. He was with a group of hunters once who bullied a gay couple out of a bar so they could take their seats.

Dean told himself that these were his people, they were so similar, but in a way that made it worse. Knowing he was perhaps sexually different made it feel as though he was lacking something or was irrevocably broken in some way.

But Dean had never pursued men, despite his inclinations to do so. It was wrong, he told himself, and there was always so much shit happening around him that he could never take the time to sit down with his father, at the age of thirty, and announce that he liked boys.

That was before Cas.

Dean’s life B.C

He had always had hot guys around in his life sure and he had coped with it, overcompensated with alcohol, women and vulgarity to show how, very definitely, masculine he was.

Having Cas around changed all that.  
Cas had no idea what normal human behaviour looked like.  
He invaded Dean’s personal space with alarming regularity and had a tendency to fly in unexpectedly, meaning that Dean was unprepared with his facade sometimes and he let it slip. After decades of perfecting the art of sexuality deception around hunters, Dean was thrown when it came to Cas.

He tried to be angry and uncaring toward him, to scare him off, but Cas was relentless in his guileless innocence.

Not to mention crazy hot.

He had hoped at the time he perhaps had some kind of angel kink but ever since Cas had become human it had gotten worse. Dean knew he was done for when he had collapsed with relief after Cas had come round from his coma.

Since then his infatuation for Cas had escalated rapidly, plummeting toward his undoing.

Cas fighting him in the gym and pinning Dean’s body beneath his.  
Cas riding a motor-bike away from demons as Dean clutched him.  
Cas’ new clothes and how aroused he had made Dean, simply by wearing clothes.  
Cas getting drunk and watching Dr Sexy with him.  
Cas’ nightmares facilitating Dean to fall asleep with his arms wrapped around him.

Dean let out a sigh as his mind came full circle and found his face was pressed to the solid wood of the bar. Dazedly lifting his head, he took in the multitude of empty glasses in front of him and became aware of the silence surrounding him. Sitting up straighter, he observed the bartender approaching him.

“You okay, son?”

“Yeah” Dean replied evasively with a yawn, cracking his neck muscles.

The barman lowered his voice so that the other patrons couldn't hear him. “You sure? Cos it looks like you been crying”

Dean instinctively brought his hand to his cheek to feel the dampness there. He chuckled good naturedly.

“Just beer, man” He replied with a smile but the nod the barman returned, did not quite match the sympathetic look in his eyes.

Dean paid for his drinks and left quickly. The icy blast of the night air worsened his intoxicated state and he rested against the wall of the bar for a second.

He had humped Cas in his sleep, acted like an asshole and cried in a bar all on the same day.

God is trying to tell me something, he joked in his head, slouching away from the wall and turning to face it as he stumbled a little.

There, in neon yellow paint, were the immortal words:

“ **U R GAY LOL** ”

Dean hurtled backwards and fell off the curb in horror, panic erupting inside him.

Surely Cas’ father wouldn’t play such stupid pranks on him, Dean thought, looking hastily around to make sure God wasn't lurking somewhere holding a spray can.

Or would he, if he wanted Dean to get with Cas?

Was this a sign that Cas liked him back?

One thing was for sure, his addled brain concluded, the God-Wall was right.

“I know” he shouted at the accusing wall “But I can’t do anything about it”.

Disgruntled and drunk he got to his feet and headed back to the motel room.

Dean expected Sam to be there and be pissed. He was all prepared for Sam’s overbearing puppy eyes to ask ‘ _What’s wrong Dean_?’

In an attempt to draw out the root of the pain that drove him to drink. Closely followed by anger and ‘ _How am I supposed to help when you won’t tell me what’s wrong?_ ’ Lately Sam had abandoned both tactics and had resorted judgemental glaring as Dean emptied bottles into oblivion.

Dean opened the motel door and was instead met by silence. He was gratified at first and curled up on his bed to enjoy the solace. It took only ten more minutes for his mothering instincts to kick in.

“Shouldn’t they be back by now?” He said tensely to no one, checking the clock.

Soon he found himself pacing.

He was definitely not pacing. That would suggest he was worried, which he most certainly was not. He had no reason to worry because Sam would definitely not do anything dangerous without him.

Twice he had considered going to look for them but Indianapolis was a big city and Sam had not specified where he was going. Dean gnawed on his nails; he had left them both at least a dozen calls and texts.

Had they returned when he was still at the bar and gone to look for him?

Were they lying injured in a ditch somewhere?

What if Sam had told Cas what he had said in the car?

Fresh fear enveloped him and he called Sam’s number again.

 

An hour later the roar of the Impala reached his ears and Dean resisted the very great urge to run out the door to greet them.

“What took so long” he snapped as soon as they entered, trying not to sound as needy as he felt.

At once he could tell something was wrong; Cas’ expression was mournful and Sam seemed sheepish around him. Neither answered Dean's question as Cas walked straight to the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Sam and Dean looked at each other until they heard the shower start up, to mask their conversation.

“What the hell happened, Sam?” he asked as Sam thudded onto his bed and pulled of his shoes.

Instead of replying Sam asked: “Have you been drinking?”

“What? No, I’ve been here waiting for you assholes, now tell me what happened!”

Sam glanced once more at the bathroom door before answering.

“We met an angel who survived the fall” Sam whispered leaning closer to Dean on the edge of his bed.

Aghast, Dean opened his mouth to interrupt, but Sam waved him silent.

“She didn't seem angry at all, she was really well adjusted actually” Sam informed him and Dean relaxed more at once. “She’d just been through some shit since she touched down and told us more about the other angels...” Sam swallowed.

“They're like Cas said at the hospital; fully powered, but Daniel said they also have this new ability to sort of... hulk out, because their grace is competing with their incarceration in human form so she said when they get angry they morph into a true form-monster thing and Cas just freaked out at the Sheriff's office because it’s like a new layer of guilt for him, y’know” Sam spoke slowly as though he was still coming to terms with the news.

“How do you know she didn't make it up just to guilt trip Cas? Dean wondered out loud, partially desensitised to new scarier creatures.

“She didn't know who Cas was, had no idea who she was speaking to” Sam replied with an air of sadness for perhaps deceiving the woman. “Cas did try to own up to it at one point, but I stopped him, just in case she wasn't as nice as she seemed” Dean couldn't help but smirk warily at that but then his smile faltered.

“He'll have nightmares tonight then” He mumbled resignedly and Sam looked at him.

“Guilt sets them off usually” Dean explained morosely. Cas had never said as much but he knew, possibly because it was the same for him.

They heard the shower stop and Sam hastily moved back to his own bed and Dean quickly pulled out the hotel bible and pretended to read it. If Cas knew they had been talking about him, he gave no sign of it; coming back into the room shirtless and carrying his clothes.

Despite the terrible circumstances they were in, Dean took the opportunity to ogle Cas’ torso. He was marred with deep scars from the attack the fallen angels dealt him and Dean remembered how self-conscious they used to make him. Cas hadn't let anyone change his dressings for him when he came out of hospital because he didn't want them to see him in pain. After Cas began training as a hunter and working out in the gym, however, his body became something he could take pride in and not be ashamed of.

Dean was especially proud. Not only of Cas’ highly distracting physique, but his small steps to overcoming his guilt by showing off his scars was a major improvement. In light of the new information about the angels’ situation, Dean could only fear what Cas now thought and he felt suddenly compelled to remove the bullets from Cas’ gun.

Just in case.

Eventually they settled down to sleep in their trio of beds with Dean in the middle one. He liked to be able to keep an eye on both of them.

 

Like he had expected, ragged breathing awoke him a few hours later and he looked over at Cas to see him tossing and thrashing in his sleep. His face was scrunched up and he was saying “no” quietly under his breath.

Dean rolled out of bed toward him but paused not knowing what to do. He normally came upon Cas post-nightmare and calmed him down.

Nevertheless he persisted and as he approached, Cas put his hands over his eyes and curled into a ball, Dean knew he was completely out of his depth but attempted to gently prise Cas’ hands away. As soon as he made physical contact with Cas, he lashed out and tried to push Dean away blindly, aware that someone was there, he flung his arms out and contorted his face in fear.

“Cas” he whispered, trying a different tactic. “Wake up Cas, it’s a dream, it’s not real” Talking seemed to have no effect at all, as Cas thrashed from side to side again, his hands clawing at his shirt. Then without warning he lurched forward and screamed. Or he would have if Dean hadn't put his hand over his mouth just in time. Cas gasped for air against his palm, and Dean was a second too slow to take his hand away.

Cas' fist punched him in the eye, assuming he was being attacked. Dean fell back in pain as Cas scrambled for his angel blade under his pillow: suddenly a light came on and dazzled them both. They looked over to see Sam glaring at them from his bed with raised eyebrows.

“I don’t care what you were doing with the gasping and the whispering but please never ever do it again while I'm in the room, okay?” He ordered sleepily.

Still poised with his blade on the bed Cas nodded, and on the floor Dean could feel a black eye rising over his vision but he nodded too. As Sam turned away from them to sleep, Cas looked at Dean awkwardly.

“Um... thanks for trying to help” he said sheepishly, stowing his angel blade away.

“Thanks for not stabbing me” Dean quipped, making Cas laugh. They looked at each other and then looked away again.

“Do you want some ice?” Cas offered, gesturing to his eye.

“No I'm fine, you're not Muhammad Ali y’know” Dean joked through the pain, his eye fucking hurt.

Luckily Cas rolled his eyes and went to fetch him some anyway, Dean accepted the ice filled towel with a raised eyebrow of ‘this-is-so-unnecessary’ before pressing it gratefully over his swelling face.

Cas got back into bed but Dean stayed on the floor. Re-positioning his makeshift ice pack, Dean worried about Cas.

“What were you dreaming of?” He wondered aloud and Cas became immediately still as though he had hoped Dean wouldn't ask.

“The usual” He said looking away.

“You’re lying” Dean said, then realised quickly that he hadn't meant to say that out loud. Cas looked at him apprehensively and, fearing his anger, Dean got up to put the melting ice in the sink.

He needed to resolve the tension between them soon.

He couldn’t stand it anymore.

He needed Cas to tell him the truth; his feelings, his dreams, his aspirations and fears and favourite things and secrets. Because those were what he loved most about him. This new distance between them could only be the direct cause of one incident and Dean was the only one who could fix it.

He came back towards the beds and Cas was still sitting cross-legged against his headboard, staring at nothing.

Dean decided to stay standing at the end of Cas’ bed, perhaps so he could run if he lost his nerve.

“Cas I need to tell you something... it’s about this morning” Cas was instantly snapped out of his reverie to focus on Dean. Dean took a deep breath and focused on spot on Cas' shoulder because he didn't have the guts to look him in the eye.

“I... the reason everyone was being weird was because I... um kind of lay across you when we shared a bed together and Sam saw us in the morning but during the night I... you might have noticed that I...” Dean paused as the almost palpable humiliation overpowered him.

“I kind of maybe humped you while I was asleep and it’s awful and I am a terrible human but I needed you to know Cas, because otherwise it’s like I raped you and exploited you and you have every right to be really fucking mad at me because I made you share a bed with me in the first place and it seems like I used you for sex which I didn't but you might see it that way -  so I'm sorry”

Dean finished by running both his hands through his hair and taking another gasping breath, waiting for the onslaught to begin. Instead he looked up to see Cas blushing scarlet and fiddling nervously with the sheets. Cas glanced quickly at Sam’s sleeping form.

“Okay so I have a confession too and it’s not nearly as noble as yours” Cas said in one breath as Dean himself tried control his breathing.

“Um okay” Dean prompted, unsure of where Cas was going with this and more concerned that Cas was not freaking out about Dean’s heartfelt disclosure.

Cas closed his eyes and exhaled through his nose, when he opened his eyes it was as though he was an angel again, determination seemed to roll of him in waves.

 

“Dean I was awake” Cas said and then nodded ashamedly at Dean’s confused look.

“I... knew what you were doing and I liked it” He finished plainly and looked away, as his blush fiercened. 

Dean’s brain was not working anymore.

It seemed as though Cas had just said he “liked” Dean humping him while he slept.

Dean stared at Cas who nodded again.

Surely not.

Dean’s incomprehension must have shown on his face because Cas sighed.

“You were asleep, you didn't know what you were doing but I... I was awake” Cas continued miserably.

Dean just kept looking at Cas as if waiting for him to shout ‘April Fool’ at him.

Cas “liked” him rubbing his dick against him? Great, he'd like to do it again when he was awake, but what did it mean?

“So you... you like guys? Is this what this means?” Dean garbled, his words sounding jumbled and incongruent.  
Cas shrugged as though the thought had only just occurred to him.

“Maybe”

The part of Dean’s brain not still trying to process this bizarre information started going crazy with happiness.

 _‘If Cas is gay, you can be gay, you can be gay together’_ he thought madly.

“Is that okay?” He heard Cas ask slowly and realised what he must look like to Cas, blank expression and slack jaw.

“Fuck yes” He answered without thinking and Cas’ eyes widened but he was too happy to care.

“Dean” Cas began again soberly and Dean stopped dancing in his head.

“But Dean don’t you see that in a way I sexually exploited you bec...”

“No you didn't, Cas, did you rub your dick all over my ass?” Dean teased, Cas’ blush flared up again so fast, Dean thought he might catch fire.

“No” he blurted out

“Then you have nothing to worry about” Dean said happily. Damn this was not the way he had thought this would go at all.

“So you're not mad at me” Cas asked in a small voice

“No. Are you mad at _me_ for taking advantage of _you_?” Cas snorted a little.

“No”

“So we're good again” Dean smiled at his resolution and Cas smiled a little too. Amazed at his new discovery of Cas’, at the very least, bi-curious sexuality he started back towards his bed as Cas tucked his legs under the covers of his, when a thought struck him...

“I know this probably isn't a great time to ask this, but you just had another nightmare so we should probably share a bed again” Cas was silent behind him and Dean immediately cringed, regretting his decision, so he turned to apologise because now he really did look like a rapist.

He found Cas grinning at him in a lewd manner.

“Well then, what are you waiting for?” Cas asked coyly opening up the sheets for him.

Dean nearly had a heart attack; Cas being unreasonably sexy on top of everything that had happened today was something he could not take.

As though he was the fumbling virgin and not Cas, Dean slid shyly into Cas bed and turned out the light. Slowly, so as not to scare him, Dean put his arms around Cas again and Cas snuggled into his chest in response.

Was it a relationship? He wondered hopefully as Cas’ head lolled against him. Perhaps not yet, neither of them had said that they actually liked each other yet.

As lightly as he could manage, Dean brushed his fingertips through Cas’ hair.

At least he knew one thing.

Cas liked dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* ITS GETTING HOT IN HERE SO TAKE OF ALL YOUR CLOTHES
> 
> Thought now would be a good time to randomly mention that all my titles are songs or song references. Aaaaand this week it's Fall Out Boy because I love them lots like jelly tots and gay sex and comments ;)


	13. Banana Pancakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Sam knows they are hella gay.  
> Angst, pillows etc.  
> This is basically a cute fluffy filler chapter but it will be shortly followed by the fighting death blood murder type shit that you've all been waiting for so yay.

 

                                                                                                                             

 

Dean woke up first  and this time they were still in the same position, with Cas’ head on his chest and Dean’s arm around him. Cas’ breathing was slow and gentle and Dean huffed a laugh of amazement to himself, making Cas’ hair flutter.

 It wasn’t like he’d come out officially yet, after years of self-imposed sexual exile, it would be hard for him.

 But just being able to hold Cas like this, was liberating. Dean pressed his mouth to Cas’ hair and kissed him, then closed his eyes and inhaled tenderly. He became aware that there was another presence in the room and for a split second he feared that Cas was only pretending to sleep again.

 Looking up, however, he encountered Sam sitting fully dressed on his bed, staring at him. Feeling heat in his cheeks at what his brother must just have witnessed, Dean opened his mouth to explain.

 “Cut the crap, Dean” Sam interjected calmly. “I know I teased you about being a little gay for Cas, but that…” Sam gestured at him clutching Cas to his chest. “That’s serious, man. When are you going to tell him that you love him?”

 Dean blinked.

 

 “You don’t care that I’m gay?” He queried confusedly. Sam was acting like this massive new development in his relationship with Cas was commonplace or anticipated.

 Sam raised both of his mighty eyebrows

“Obviously, you’ve been gay for years. You’d think if I cared we would’ve talked about it by now” Sam scoffed, then sobered.

 “You had Dad fooled though, I'm sure he never even guessed”

 Their dad had been dead a long time, Dean reasoned, but that didn't mean Sam’s words no longer held any comfort for him. On the contrary, most of Dean’s reserves about his sexuality stemmed from fear of his father’s disapproval or disgust. He released a breath that he hadn't realised he was holding.

 

Back the fuck up.

 Had Sam asked “when are you going to tell him that you love him?”

 Suddenly panicked he felt his breathing quicken.

 “So when _are_ you going to tell him” Sam repeated, obliviously.

 “I...”

 

This was all too much for Dean to process. Sam’s blasé acceptance of his nervous exploration into homosexuality was still rattling around in his mind and now Sam knew he was in love with Cas too? _He_ wasn't even sure what his relationship with Cas was at the moment.

 “How do you know so much?” He accused defensively, wishing he could stand up and look threatening but Cas was still curled up on his chest, too precious to move.

 Sam snorted. “I observe” he replied sassily and Dean scowled and rubbed his cheek in Cas’ hair to calm himself down.

 “I can see you aren’t ready to talk about this” Sam sighed as he stood and crossed the room, pausing at the door.

 “Whenever you are, y’know we’ll talk” Sam’s said, his pseudo puppy-eyes wide with concern.

 Dean threw a pillow at him.

 

 Invariably his movement jolted Cas and he made a soft growling noise in his sleep. Dean took his eyes off Sam for one second to soothe Cas back to slumber, before his pillow struck him back across the face.

  Cas head had been just tucked under his own and so he was hit too. They both cried out indignantly as Sam’s large frame loped out of the motel room cackling.

 

 “What the hell, Dean” Cas mumbled raising his head from Dean’s chest to glare at him, with his hair all ruffled and adorable like a baby owl.

 “Hey, wasn’t me” He smiled, trying to act defensive but taken utterly by surprise by Cas’ morning cuteness.

Cas glared at Sam’s already made bed before saying “Ugh” and face-planting Dean’s chest again.

Dean chuckled but nudged Cas shoulder to make him look up again.

 

 “We do have to get up today” He said seriously. They were here for a reason and it was not so that Dean could develop further feelings for Cas, as he was sure he was unwittingly doing at the moment.

 Cas pouted distractedly, before smiling sadly.

“Five more minutes” He said, wriggling back down the bed and nestling on Dean’s chest again.

“Before we have to go out and kill my brethren” he finished and Dean snapped his mouth shut to cut off his protests.

 “Okay” He agreed and Cas looked up to smile at him.

 Cas’ face was _so_ close Dean could map out every contour of his cheeks and every crease of his lips. If he were a better man, he supposed, he would kiss Cas right now and they would never leave the bed until he had expressed every suppressed emotion he had ever held for him in every way possible.

 But he wasn’t.

Not yet.

 


	14. Born to be wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For those of you reading this for the wing kink tags, your time is now.  
> Anyone who doesn't like wing kink, you don't belong here.  
> Leave.
> 
> Anyway! ANGEL TIME GUYS: fighting and angel Cas await you!  
> Faretheewell gentle-reader x

Cas held his hand over his mouth and listened to the pounding of his heart in his ears as he tried to calm his gasping breath.

 A creak of the musty floorboards to the left of him made him flinch and the hand clenching his gun shook worse than ever.  The angel blade in his belt began to drip blood onto the floor and Cas reached down to press the tip against his leg to soak up the blood into the denim.

 Daniel had said this factory was one of the first that had been used by the angels and that they had abandoned it as their numbers had grown.

 

She had been wrong.

 

Cas felt sweat slide down his spine and pool at the bottom of his back. Dizziness crept up on him as he continued to limit his desperate need to exhale and inhale, into short quiet breaths.

 He distracted himself with recollections of that morning with Daniel. Or Danny as Dean had begun to call her.

 

 

                                                                                                                             

She had called them to show them a map she had drawn up of known mass sightings or whereabouts of angels’ vessels, to assist them on their search for the ringleader. The five red crosses on the map were sparsely spread and their positioning had meant nothing to Cas.

 “Hang on a second” Dean had said, grabbing Danny’s red Sharpie. He began to connect the five crosses and then stepped back proudly and they all gasped.

 “It’s a pentagram?” Danny said speculatively.

 “Yep, it’ll keep the demons away from their private business” Dean concluded smartly, straightening his tie.

 “But that means” Sam said, leaning past Dean to the map “That the innermost pentagon segment is the safest most guarded place, so surely _that_ is where their main headquarters will be”

 

Danny nudged them both out of the way and circled three large buildings within the inner pentagon.

 “These are the abandoned factories in that area” She said and they all gathered round her.

 “They definitely used to be in this one” Her finger tapped the smallest grey square.

 “But I know they aren't there anymore because we did a human raid on it recently since teenagers kept having parties there” She began to move on to the second building within the pentagon of safety but Dean spoke up again.

 “It couldn't hurt for us to have another look round though right? Get a hunter’s perspective and look for clues as to what they are up to”

 Cas saw his brow furrowed in concentration. If the angels had ensured their safety from demons then they were conducting a serious operation. Dean was ensuring they had all the facts before they ran in guns blazing.

 

“By all means” Danny said folding up her map and handing it to Sam. “But if this is merely a reconnaissance mission I would prefer to stay here”

She glanced at the Sheriff who was sitting studiously behind his desk at the far end of the room. “I do not want to make any unnecessary suspicious absences”.

 “Of course” Sam said, running his hand self-consciously through his hair and smiling understandingly at her. “Whatever you need”

 Cas and Dean had shared a look.

 

“You are wasting your time with that one, dude” Dean had grinned at Sam as he started the car, some time later.

“She’s definitely a lesbian”

 Sam’s features had morphed effortlessly into his signature bitch-face.

 “Dean you don't know that”

 “I do! I have a sixth sense”

 “Then how come you didn't know Charlie was a lesbian?”

 Dean had paused and amended “I am right 99.9% of the time but I guarantee you...” Sam cut him off with a loud groan of impatience and Cas had laughed freely as they drove toward the mess they were now in.

 

 

As his heart rate slowed excruciatingly, Cas leant his head on the concrete pillar he hid behind, wondering where Sam and Dean could be. Unaware of the angels in the building they had split up and Cas had been nosing quietly in a cupboard when he’d heard the muffled chambering of a gun behind him.

 Millenniums of fighting meant his instincts were so sharp they were almost open nerve endings. Cas had whipped his angel blade into the chest of his would-be-attacker before he had even seen his face.

 The screams of the dying grace inside the man had brought running footsteps and Cas had fled, hurtling up two floors and through three rooms before freezing behind his current pillar.

 

He listened intently for a second or two before stepping out and drawing his bloodied blade from his belt. He needed to find Sam and Dean.

The urgency in him flooded his veins and he headed toward distant shouting.

 He could hear Dean shouting for Sam.

 He ran harder.

  

 

Cas came upon the scene from the left. He was in an abandoned office with a wall of glass giving a panoramic view of the corridor outside.

 Dean was standing in the center of the corridor, with his hands outstretched, pleadingly as an angel further down the corridor had a gun to Sam’s bruised head.

 Cas could see that Dean was surrendering, placing his own gun carefully to the floor and then his own angel blade. It looked as though a truce was being made, Dean’s surrender for Sam’s life.

 But Cas could see the angel slinking toward Dean from behind, with a gun pointed at him. Dean had not noticed the checkmate, intent as he was on Sam’s life. Sam was trying to warn him, but his captor's hand was clenched across his mouth. The angel behind Dean brought a hand up to steady his gun, as he took aim.

 

Cas came flying at him and took him completely by surprise; toppling them both into the next room across the corridor, he had his angel blade buried in the angel's chest as he landed on top of him.

 Momentarily dazed and gasping, Cas looked down at the young man and saw the grace leave the angel beneath him, twisting and turning as it traveled upward as it always did, but this time, straight into Cas’ gasping open mouth.

 

 

 

The commotion behind Dean did not faze him in the least; he dropped to the ground and picked up his angel blade, lashing it out in a single movement into the angel’s chest, and his dead arms fell open to liberate Sam.

 Sam let out a great gasp as the restrictive had around his mouth fell free. Dean ran forward and fell to his knees next to his brother.

 “Sam are you...”

 “Fine. You go get Cas and meet me at the car, I'll get the engine running” Dean nodded and Sam took off, hobbling a little on his damaged leg. The angels had thrown old office fittings at them from higher floors and a filing cabinet on top of them, luckily they had dived out of the way of fatal injury but Sam’s leg had been squashed beneath it.

 Dean hissed angrily, if the angel’s were being petty enough to merely drop things on them instead of fighting; it either meant they were weak or that they just enjoyed toying with them, like children setting fire to ants with a magnifying glass.

 He came to a stop before the door that Cas had tumbled through with the angel.

 The room was empty except for the corpse of the angel’s vessel.

 

Cas wasn't there.

 

 

"Sam go to the car" Dean yelled before he ran further down the blank concrete corridors, half-whispering Cas’ name fearfully. He knew there were more angels here, that had perhaps not bothered with the intruders and sent their lackey’s down to finish them off.

 Dean opened doors and ran through rooms in a frenzied hurry, beginning to raise his shouts of Cas' name in trepidation.

He was cut off mid-shout by a tumultuous roar that echoed off the walls and shuddered through him.

He shook with unrestrained fear.

That must mean that one of the angels had gone hulk.

Every hunter instinct he possessed told him to run. He could hear the lumbering of the angel monster on the floor above him and for the first time in a very long time, he felt total fear. The weakness in his knees and the tight coils in his chest were old familiar foes and he shook his head to clear it of emotion.

 

He could not run because he could not leave Cas.

 

Forcing himself on; he ran up a flight of stairs toward the commotion.

Now that he was closer to the source, he could hear the screams of other angels.

It was killing them, he realised, demolishing everything in it's path, as Danny had said.

Dean continued on, recklessly, entering another identical concrete corridor.

 Turning a corner, chaos reigned the scene before him, vessel corpses lay twisted and contorted at the bottom of the walls as though they had been cast aside by the mighty beast that passed through them, parting them like the red sea.

Tentatively, Dean stepped around the bodies, looking briefly at each face to check it wasn't Cas.

Sickened at the carnage, he ran the length of two more corridors, passing through more massacred bodies until he turned a final corner... and froze in terror.

 

The creature’s back faced him. Two enormous scaled wings protruding from its shoulder blades, compressed into the small space, casting jagged shadows down upon Dean.

It was oddly blue in hue, like a reptile. But Dean realised, as the wings shimmered in the light, that they were not scaled but comprised of tiny slim feathers. He could see black hair on the creature's head, but the rest of its body was blue skinned. It had a long lizard-like tail coiling and undulating on the ground behind it.

 He could hear two angels in front of the creature begging for mercy, one of them sounded a little like Cas. Dean drew his angel blade.

 

If Cas was on the other side of the monster then he'd just have to go through the monster.

 

The screams and whimpers of the two angels ceased suddenly and Dean clenched his jaw and yelled.

 “Hey you!”

 The monster spun round.

 

Its hunched wings scraped painfully against the walls of the enclosed space as it completed its turn. Dean saw its shirt was ripped apart on its body, muscled blue scaled skin covering every inch of it. Its humanoid hands were tipped with blood drenched clawed fingernails and fangs had grown vampire-like from its upper jaw. It considered Dean languidly as Dean’s eyes travelled up its body.

 It was unlike anything he'd ever seen before, power radiated from it like heat but it still looked like a man in shape.

 Finally peeling his eyes from the elongated fangs of the creature Dean looked at its face.

 ‘You know that feeling’, he thought idly for a split second, ‘when you think you recognise someone but it can’t be them’.

 

Then his insides felt like they had dropped out of him and his heart skipped a hundred or so beats.

 He would know those eyes anywhere.

 

 “Cas?”

 

Cas hissed and clenched his fists, Dean could see blood begin to drip down his knuckles as a result. He took a step forward, repeating his actions from earlier, although much more willingly. He placed his weapons on the floor and held his hands out in a placatory manner.

 

“Cas, it’s me, Dean” He hoped his voice didn't shake. _This is Cas_ he told himself fiercely. _You love him._

 

As if he needed further proof, Cas cocked his head to the side quizzically, not only demonstrating his previous angelic habits but also exposing one of Cas’ old scars on the side of his neck, painfully visible against his now darker skin.

 

“Cas, you need to calm down” Dean said, managing to keep his voice calm, remembering what Danny had said about the animalistic mindset the angels were prey too when they hulked out, the complete blood lust they were lost in.

He must not provoke Cas. Bearing that in mind, Dean tried not to register the new realisation that Cas had grown during his transformation and was now taller than Sam. Not his wings of course, they were even taller.

 Dean had taken another step toward Cas as he looked up in awe at his huge wings and had involuntarily kicked his own angel blade, it skittered towards Cas bare clawed feet.

Dean froze in his tracks as it continued to roll.

Cas leapt back into a defensive crouch as he realised what it was, his wings spanned out behind him, fearing an attack. As the blade rolled to a stop, Cas slowly looked up and roared at Dean, his tail thrashing angrily on the floor behind him.

 Then he began to stride purposefully toward Dean.

 “Cas it’s me, Dean!” He said gesturing at his chest, the enormous tide of fear inside him making its way into his voice.

 

Cas got closer.

 

“We live together Cas! Castiel! We're friends!” He shouted. Trying to humanise Cas, to bring him back.

 “Cas please, we're family” he tried as a final resort and Cas was metres away now.

 

He came closer still.

How else could he bring Cas back? Dean cast around frantically in his mind, painfully aware of how close Cas was getting. The last time they had been this close was that morning when Dean had wanted to...

 Cas pulled back one of his clawed hands to strike Dean.

 

Dean took hold of his face and kissed him.

 

At first he was acting blindly and unthinkingly, pressing his mouth against what might have been a stone statue. But then Dean felt the rough lips beneath his own, soften and he pulled desperately at Cas’ face, to try and make him respond.

 

The change back was slow and Dean kept his eyes closed so he felt it in small stages.

 

Cas’ skin brushed against his cheekbones instead of scales.

 Sunlight fell across his face as Cas’ wings diminished to unblock the windows.

 Dean found himself leaning forward to chase Cas’ lips as he became shorter than Dean again.

 Cas hands came to rest on Dean’s shoulders and he could feel fingertips against his neck.

 Cas began to kiss him back.

 

Dean pulled back and looked down at blue eyes.

 

“That’s not quite how I planned that to go” He murmured as Cas’ head fell against his shoulder with a small sob.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I KNEW THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA. I KNEW IT. Finally reached the idea that started this mad overwrought adventure in fuckery.  
> Did I do a good job guys?  
> Love you all


	15. Let it Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THEY TELL EACH OTHER THEIR TRUE FEELINGS
> 
> They don't have sex yet! Give them time! Next chapter, okay?  
> This is just the fluff before the frick frack.

Cas

Cas stayed silent in the Impala on the way back to the motel. Despite his renewed grace he was far too emotionally drained to talk, but even if he wasn't he wouldn't know what to say.

Dean had kissed him (all he had been dreaming of for months)

But it had only been to bring him round from the tyranny of his true form. In the same way someone might donate blood or give their food to the homeless.

A necessary sacrifice.

Taking one for the team.

They pulled up at the motel and he heard an exchange between the brothers outside the car, before he saw Sam limping away hurriedly.

“Where did Sam go?” He asked Dean in confusion getting out of the Impala, as Sam’s back retreated from view.

“I asked him if I could talk to you alone” Dean said carefully, his tone measured. Dean stood in Cas’ path to the motel. Cas leant against the side of the Impala and Dean faced him, waiting. Dean seemed to be casting around for the right words so Cas decided to make it easier for him.

“You didn't mean what you did back there” He said flatly and Dean looked up perplexed.

“Mean what?” He replied and Cas’ insides twisted in pain. Was Dean going to make him spell it out? He had no clue how much it hurt to be given hope and then have it taken away.

“You... you just did it because of the circumstances we were in and I am grateful” He finished with a lame smile, and started to walk past Dean to the sanctuary of the motel.

                                                                                                                             

Dean

“You mean the kiss? Cas stop”

He held out an arm to prevent Cas escaping and backed Cas against the side of the Impala again.

“No” Dean said firmly. He'd had enough of the hints and the flirting and Sam’s teasing and his own maddening infatuation with Cas. He needed Cas. Seeing Cas lose control and almost lose himself and put things in perspective for Dean. And now Cas thought that he hadn't _meant_ the kiss? He had to set things straight (haha) for once.

Finally ridding himself of all his old predilections, he looked Cas straight in the eye.

“I have fought long and hard to get to this point, to get to the point where I am able to say that I meant to kiss you, truly and that I have wanted to kiss you for years.” Dean smiled as Cas mouth fell open and was about to move in to kiss him when Cas’ eyes filled with tears.

Dean took a step back as Cas wiped his eyes hurriedly and clenched his jaw.

“You don't want what that entails, Dean.” Cas whispered his eyes red. “I am broken. You deserve someone whole.”

Dean _almost_ laughed. Cas was rebuffing him because his self-esteem was so low that he thought that he deserved better? Well that made two of them.

“Cas” Dean said his voice gentle. “Sometimes we have to be selfish and take what we want. I tried to let you go but I damn near went mad with jealousy when you started spending time with Charlie instead of me.”Dean rubbed his palms into his eyes as he recalled his torment.

“I mean you weren't even _dating_ and I was jealous Cas. Don’t you see? I want all of your time and all of your attention and all of your smiles and it’s so selfish but you are literally all I can think of sometimes.” Dean sighed and took in Cas’ awed expression.

“I took a long time to get here but I know what I want now. I don’t care about all the shit we've done, either of us. We are both broken. But I want you. All of you. Forever.”

Dean felt all his muscles relaxing as he finally let it all go.

His eyes probed Cas’ face and found him deep in reverie as though still ambivalent in his decision. Cold dread engulfed Dean. He had misread the signs all along. Cas didn’t love him.

“Un...unless you feel differently?” He managed, the rejection stinging his very soul.

Cas head snapped up.

“No Dean, I make a habit of dying repeatedly for people I only harbour platonic feelings for. Idiot of course I love you”

Dean was on him within seconds, grabbing the sides of his face and kissing him. Cas seemed completely caught off guard and was unresisting against Dean’s momentum, falling back against the Impala and clawing at his shoulders. Dean pressed against him so that there wasn't an inch of space between them. His need to respire was the only force capable of tearing his mouth away from Cas’.

“Don’t scare me like that” Dean gasped resting his forehead on Cas’ shoulder and feeling Cas’ laugh through his body.

Cas’ tentative hands found his face and dragged him back under. Dean resisted the temptation to divest Cas of his virginity then and there, forcing himself to remember that Cas was a total novice and he ought to handle him with care.

All coherent thought left him however when Cas’ tongue ran across the seal of his lips and Dean opened his mouth in surprise. Cas began to plunder his mouth and suck on his tongue, eliciting a moan from Dean.

“Ca... mmn... Where did you learn to do that?”

Dean demanded, once he had extricated himself from Cas’ grasp. Cas grinned at his astonishment.

“I found some very informative books at the bunker by some men called Mills and Boon, they tell you all about kissing” Cas said innocently, stressing the last three words, as his fingers played with the hem of Dean’s t-shirt.

“Did they?” Dean said, somewhere between a choke and a growl. He wasn't buying Cas’ innocent act for one second, he knew he Cas was just as filthy-minded as he was.

“Mmnn” Cas replied bashfully as his began to undo Dean’s belt.

They looked up as a car raced past them honking its horn, with all the male occupants gesticulating rudely out of the open windows.

“Huh” Cas said as Dean blushed.

“Maybe _we should_ get a room”

Dean blushed harder. Cas could read him the phone book and it would still sound dirty.

“Maybe we should” he replied and Cas grinned wolfishly.

“After you”

They both headed for the motel.


	16. Serenity and then sluts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I had a little think about it guys and they can't have full on gay times straight away.
> 
> mostly because they are both butt virgins but also because Cas could hulk out at any second and that would be messy.
> 
> So here is my revised frick frack chapter, let me know if it sucks (pun intended)

Dean followed Cas back into the motel room, a twisting mixture of anticipation, excitement and fear overlapping inside him. He turned back to lock the door, and quickly pulled out his phone to press a few buttons.

He’d had two different messages saved in draft to send to his brother, each depending on the outcome of his talk with Cas.

He deleted the one that said; “I fucked up. Bring ice-cream”

And then sent the second.

“Get a different hotel room ;)”

 

 

He realised the atmosphere in the motel room had changed as he turned back to Cas smiling slightly, and saw that Cas was leaning nervously against the kitchen counter as though he hadn't had enough confidence to go straight to the bed.

Dean felt another gentler smile slide on to his face as he approached Cas, who was gripping the counter ledge and looking down. All his previous tempestuous flirting had seemingly evaporated.

Dean stopped in front of him, careful to maintain a non-contact distance, and waited for Cas to look up him. Dean thought they may have taken things too fast, the second Cas looked up and he saw slight fear in his eyes.

“Cas, hey” He said gently, placing his hands on Cas’ hips in a reassuring manner, “We don’t have to do anything yet, we can... date... first. Right?”

He smiled to show that he didn’t care either way. He could wait for Cas. He would always wait for Cas.

 

Cas covered Dean’s hands with his own and bit his lip.

“What if I hurt you?” he said quietly and Dean almost sagged the weight of under Cas’ gaze.

They never seemed to have a free moment alone together; there was always something to worry about. By now he and Cas were professional worriers. 

 

“I trust you” Dean said honestly, squeezing at his hips to soothe him, with Cas’ hands still placed gently on top of his own.

Cas sometimes got this worried look in his eyes as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders and Dean just needed to touch him, to ground him again.

Cas eyed him with a curious expression on his face.

“I trust you, too” He said cautiously. 

Then he leaned up and kissed Dean.

 

Compared to before, this kiss was exceptionally chaste and almost too sweet. The way Dean always thought people would kiss on their wedding day. Just a touch of the lips to express love briefly and claim that this-is- the-person-I-want-forever.

 Neither of them tried to pull away however, or indeed, alter the kiss. Dean felt as though he were swimming deeper and deeper into water, their kiss was tranquil and unhurried, with a sense of finality to it. In that moment Dean knew that this was it for him. Cas was the one.

Time elapsed around them as Dean kissed Cas. Both of them holding Cas’ hips like a life line, revelling in their new found serenity, as their lips stuck like magnets.

 

 

 Dean almost jumped therefore, when he felt Cas’ palm against his cheek, and suddenly it was as though the levee had broken.

Dean had one hand fisted in Cas’ hair and another up his shirt in seconds and Cas, having initiated the centrifugal reaction, allowed Dean to crowd him against the counter before sitting on it and pulling Dean flush against him, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist.

He grinned at Dean’s initial shock and kissed the tendons in his throat, dragging his teeth against the sensitive skin. Dean heard himself let out a moan and simply leaned on Cas, weak to his ministrations.

Cas moved round to under his ear and Dean nearly went limp as Cas sucked a hickey there and he felt a strange feeling of disbelief - as though he had been cheated in some way. He felt testosterone flare inside him; Cas was a fucking virgin! How had he found Dean’s most sensitive spot within seconds?

Cas was biting Dean’s bottom lip and unbuttoning his shirt, when Dean decided to take charge. He dug his hands under Cas’ thighs and lifted him from the counter, Cas instinctively wrapped his legs tighter around Dean’s waist as he was carried to a wall and rammed against it as Dean kissed the breath out of him.

 Cas was trying to say something smart-ass in response but Dean didn't let him, kissing him harder.

Unfortunately this new position meant Dean’s hands were occupied and so Cas was free to unbutton Dean’s shirt all the way and then bite his neck gently whilst twisting one of his nipples. Dean growled, both in pleasure and annoyance. He wasn't used to being with someone who gave as good he did.

But he kinda liked it.

 

Cas began to wriggle against his grasp but Dean held him captive against the wall.

Cas stopped trying to escape when Dean rolled his hips against him and Cas’ head fell back as he gasped. Always the opportunist, he surged against Cas neck, to stain _his_ skin with hickeys and bites.

 Moaning, Cas seemed like he was submitting to him, but a particularly vicious nip at his neck from Dean, made Cas heave against him again, using his renewed angel grace to push Dean backwards and allow Cas to clamber down.

 

“No fair” Dean protested as Cas pulled Dean’s unbuttoned shirt from his shoulders, twisting him round.

Cas gasped in mock surprise, casting Dean’s shirt aside. “I never said I played fair, Winchester”.

 Dean was forcibly reminded of their last sparring session together, as Cas circled him in a predatory manner, and he recalled how that night had almost ended, with Cas straddling him, pinning him to the floor.

Once again it was a battle to see which one of them would cave first and admit defeat. Neither would in the end, he predicted, they were too stubborn. They would likely just rip each other’s clothes off and have angry sex on various surfaces until they both passed out.

Dean made a grab for Cas’ waist but he dodged it, with his new grace Dean knew he would have a harder time getting him on the floor.

He opted for a distraction technique instead.

 

“So, new grace, how is it?” He asked keeping his voice neutral, his eyes glued to Cas’, looking for a falter in his steps.

“Behaving, for now” Cas replied, with a smile, knowing exactly what Dean was up to.

“I am remodeling it currently; it’s very malleable, like dough”.

Dean nodded, trying not to be hypnotised by Cas’ steady heat-filled gaze as he continued to move around him. Quickly he cast around for another subject to distract Cas with but Cas could tell he was hesitating and so used a distraction of his own.

Taking his time, he slowly removed his own shirt, only taking his eyes off Dean’s for a fraction of a second as the material passed over his head. But Dean was thoroughly transfixed by Cas' bare torso, utterly gone. Cas walked slowly toward him, once again in control.

“Dean” He said running a hand down Dean's chest and Dean melted into his voice like warm chocolate. Entranced, he smiled at Cas, reaching out to kiss him again when Cas ducked and swung his legs out behind Dean, tripping him to the ground as Dean had done to him in the gym.

 “Surprise bitch” Cas said euphorically, straddling him with a grin, and looming over Dean’s mouth to kiss him.

Overcoming his momentary astonishment, Dean grabbed Cas’s denim clad hips and thrust up into his ass, immediately Cas was torn away from his mouth as he arched off Dean in shock at the new sensation. Dean rolled them both, placing himself on top this time.

 “That was nice, you should totally do that again” Cas mumbled roughly, his eyes blissed out, as Dean straddled him.

 Dean smirked at his expression. “I don’t play by your rules, sweetheart” He drawled, running his hands reverently over Cas’ abdominal muscles, tracing the dips and rises of his torso, along with the raised white scars he bore.

 Cas rolled his eyes and scowled from his trapped position. “Go suck a dick, Winchester” Dean smiled at the angel’s foul mouth and then grinned as the idea took hold.

 “Maybe I will” He said, skimming his nose down Cas’ chest as he moved further down his body, Cas’ muscles tightening in shock at his words.

He could suck another guy’s dick, he considered practically, as he mouthed at Cas’ gorgeous hipbones; he had received plenty of blowjobs and they couldn't be that difficult. It wasn’t as though they were ready for full on gay guy sex, he thought as he pulled down Cas’ straining zipper with his teeth.

Well... He knew what he meant.

 

Cas was still staring at him with disbelief and admiration as Dean tugged his jeans and boxers down, before looking Cas right in the eyes and sinking his face onto his cock.

‘This isn't so difficult’ He thought idly, flattening his tongue against the underside of Cas’ dick and hollowing out his cheeks. He looked up to see Cas throwing his head back and writhing, and nearly choked as he tried to smile.

 ‘What else did girls do in blowjobs?’ he thought idly, bobbing up and down rhythmically, loving the loud groans Cas was emitting. Curiously he tongued the slit of Cas’ dick, playing with the bundle of nerves beneath the head and glanced up to see if it was having the desired effect.

He popped off when he noticed what looked like blood spreading from Cas’ sides.

“Cas?” He sat up, hovering over him.

“I...Its’ my wings, I’m losing control” Cas managed through clenched teeth, his eyes completely black with lust.

Dean thought quickly.

“Okay no more blowjobs for now” he said hurriedly, moving to lie next to Cas and facing him on his side. Cas rolled to imitate him and Dean stroked Cas’ hair gently until the ethereal black shadows retreated back into him. Cas shutting his eyes tightly and wincing as they did so.

Dean sighed mentally as reality reared its ugly head and fear settled back over them. It was reckless for them to try to have sex now wasn't it? After the day they’d had they should probably get some sleep.

 Dean re-calibrated his brain quickly as Cas' hands roamed back down his chest, a renewed determination in his eyes.

 "I can see your brain thinking and it looks painful” Cas snarked, moving closer to kiss his jaw gently, though Dean saw him twinge as the movement in caused his shoulder blades to bunch.

“I don’t know Cas maybe we should rest, I don’t want to overstimulate you” Dean retorted and Cas scoffed even as a blush crept over his cheeks.

 “Don’t flatter yourself, Winchester” he japed, allowing Dean to kiss him and pull him closer, their knees and elbows touching as they lay together.

“Whatever you say, sweetheart” Dean said sweetly, mimicking Cas’ earlier innocence. Cas growled in his throat and Dean kissed him there.

“If you keep calling me that I shall have to take drastic action” Cas deadpanned.

 Dean deepened the kiss in reply, dueling with Cas’ tongue for dominance and sliding one hand up to cradle Cas’ head.

“Like what?” Dean challenged, between kisses, propping himself up on one elbow to attain a strategic upper hand over Cas as he leaned down to trap him once again.

“Like this” Cas replied, his voice broken from Dean’s kissing, rapidly unzipping Dean’s jeans and pumping his hands on Dean’s dick.

Dean fell from his elbow and arched back into the floor, as Cas now had the advantage.

 “I cannot believe that you went commando today, Dean it’s utterly distasteful” Cas remarked pleasantly, twisting his wrists on the upstroke and spreading pre-cum down his shaft as Dean writhed helplessly on the floor.

Then he noticed that Cas was getting hard again too. He began to pump his own fist on Cas’ dick and Cas fell back to the floor too, so they lay facing each other once more.

 They both gasped as Dean rubbed them both together, experimentally.

So he did it again and again.

Cas' eyes rolled back in his head, his hands fumbling over Dean’s as the pressure built between them and through his own lust-fogged brain, Dean remembered that this was Cas’ first ever orgasm so he kissed him heatedly as the pressure rose and crested between them. Eventually Cas gave up trying to help him all together and let Dean win, lying on the floor and writhing.

 Victorious, Dean jacked them off together as they both came at the same time, momentary wings flashing on the floor but Cas keepng control this time.

 

Lying in a haze on the floor a while later, Cas rested his head on Dean’s chest, just as he has that morning.

“Ugh” Cas griped suddenly, wiping at the drying cum all over them. “No one ever said this stuff was sticky and gross”

Dean chuckled, knowing he was referring to Mills and Boone again.

 

“Get used to it sweetheart”

“I hate you”

“Liar”


	17. The end, dear reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The return of epic cock-blocking Sam, teasing Cas and needy Dean.

Dean remained in the transient phase between the two worlds of waking and sleeping but a shadow of awareness fell upon him as he registered voices around him. He did not, however, listen closer or try to discern the garbled meaning of the distant voices, he was utterly content in his warm safe pocket of psyche.

But the voices continued around him, there were two and they were male. Dean realised he was inadvertently floating toward wakefulness and sighed mentally. He rubbed his cheek on his pillow, trying to chase the traces of peace before they fled.

He became aware that his pillow was thumping slowly and accepted lazily that he must be lying on somebody’s chest. A vibration beneath him resonated, as a voice spoke.

“So do you think Danny knew the building was occupied?”

“Not sure. She seemed genuine” Someone else replied from farther away.

The body Dean was using for a pillow shook lightly as it's owner chuckled.

“You would say that, Sam”

“She’s not a lesbian!”

“Uhuh” came the reply. Sounds like Cas, Dean thought idly.

Thoughts of Cas began to churn luxuriantly through his sleepy mind like a slow whirl pool. They were making out against the Impala, Dean couldn’t quite believe this was actually happening, they took it to the motel and Dean recalled the red hot lust as he had held Cas brusquely against the wall. Cas talked dirty and Dean finally had him pinned beneath him writhing.

What had they done after that?

Oh yeah they’d gone to bed.

 

But that meant…

He suddenly aware that he was still totally naked and lying on Cas. And Sam was in the room.

Embarrassment crawled over him as the total context of the situation came to light. Cas was still utterly ignorant when it came to social norms, he probably thought it was fine for them to be lying naked together whilst holding a conversation with Dean’s brother. His only refuge was to continue to pretend to be asleep still and wait for Sam to leave. He tried to hide his flushed face in Cas’ chest.

“He’s awake” Sam said suddenly with a hint of laughter. Dean’s eyes flashed open. “I can always tell, asshole”

 Mortified, Dean whined as he peeled his face from Cas’ chest and squirmed around to look for something to cover himself with. Twisting round he saw that he was lying between Cas’ legs and had been laying his head over Cas’ heart. He was covered by a thin sheet from the waist down and felt slightly mollified although still totally undignified.

“Morning” Cas mumbled as Sam loped away and Dean turned back to look at him. Cas' face broke into a grin.

“You’re blushing” He sniggered and Dean gave him a sarcastic look.

“How would you like it if you woke up naked in bed and one of _your_ brothers was there?” Cas was chuckling now, as Dean spluttered.

“Sam leave” He snapped brusquely at the obnoxious moose, who was beginning to pack his bag.

“Why?” Sam asked, somewhat indignantly, poking his large head back into the room. “Because” Dean said grabbing Cas’ shoulders and sliding his body back up to Cas’ eye-level; Cas still laughing.

“You're not into voyeurism” He finished, leaning down to kiss his angel just as the door to the motel room slammed, Sam’s curses following him.

 

“That was one way to get rid of him” Dean sighed gratefully against Cas’ collarbone some time later.

“You were very rude, Dean, your brother and I were having a conversation”. Cas chastised, a note of teasing in his voice as he traced patterns absentmindedly on Dean’s shoulders. Dean smiled against Cas’ skin.

“You’re right, I should be punished” He said lightly, moving back up Cas’ neck, sucking hickeys. If they ever left this motel room, he wanted everyone who might have otherwise taken an interest in Cas, to see that he was now marked and taken.

By him.

Cas gasped theatrically.

“You’re right” Cas said totally seriously. Dean felt a movement in the bed and suddenly he was flat on his back with Cas above him. He registered brief exasperation at Cas’ new angel sex powers - but it was quickly dismissed as Cas latched onto his neck and ran his hands down Dean’s chest. Dean moaned openly, raking his fingernails on Cas’ shoulder blades. Cas kissed him deeply and Dean opened his lips lazily to coax Cas’ tongue in.

As Cas complied, Dean’s rapidly fogging brain concluded “I could get used to this”

 

Cas’ weight disappeared suddenly from atop him and he sat up in shock. Cas was fully dressed and standing at the bottom of the bed, grinning widely.

“Your punishment is that you’re last one out!” Cas chuckled throwing him the motel keys and picking up his own and Sam’s traveling bags.

Cas was halfway to the door when the crushing realisation that he was being abandoned, naked with a hard on, crashed down on Dean.

“Cas wait, I meant sexually punished” Dean yelled desperately, intentionally overlooking how whiny he sounded.

Cas turned at the door, “I know!” he beamed, “I guess you’ll have to be punished later”. With that he swung out of the motel room, slamming the door behind him.

Dean fell back on the bed on his back, suppressing his urge to smile to himself, like a teenage girl with a crush. He was in love with a manic beautiful cock-teasing son of a bitch, who liked to fight for dominance during sex, could ride a motorbike and had recently cried during Teen Wolf.

 Why did that make him so happy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you loyal few who stuck with this fic on the insane journey it delved into from this point, you may notice that this is the end. Rather suddenly. This is because I have deleted the proceeding six chapters due to their extreme and noticeable instability and lack of any justifiable plot. If you did indeed enjoy them, I apologise but hope that you can appreciate the pleasant domesticity I leave Cas and Dean with this time, as opposed to the bizarre and frankly disturbing world they would otherwise be transported to.  
> Thank you for reading this fic, regardless of whether you are a first time participant in my whimsy or a hardened veteran of my insanity. I hope the stories that follow are less maddeningly befuddling and altogether more organised.  
> Jen x

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this product of my typing toil and masochistic tendencies.


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